Salt and Pipper

new blog

2010-02-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

so if you think i have been slacking on my blogging, you are partly right. i have been a little bit slack and then last week i started a tumblr blog, so i have been blogging over there the last little while....i hadn't "announced" it yet because there are a few things i would have liked to have changed before i officially moved over.....but i can do the changes later on too, so i thought i would let you all know my new blog address, if you want to check it out, it is:
http://flyingpips.tumblr.com/

love.

busy body

2010-01-18T19:45:00.000-08:00

a couple of favorites from the wedding this weekend. now we look forward to a fun week with friends from university visiting for a couple of days.

twoderful

2010-01-15T16:35:00.000-08:00

so i discovered that i am going through a gallon of milk a week, pretty much all by myself! and below is the reason why.....

oh how i love tea....it makes a blah day better......( i also LOVE my new sugar bowl, makes me smile every day).

speaking of blah days, lets talk about passport photos....everyone's favorite thing to do right??? ha ha. i have to renew my passport this year. it is a british passport, and so of course the photo requirements are completely different to the american photo requirements, and so finding somewhere here in the states that knew how or what to do with that was somewhat ridiculous. throw in the metric system measurements and its like communicating in different languages.

this week i have been working on getting my passport application sent off and the most frustrating part was getting the passport photo. I have now had 4 sets of photos taken. the first lot were ok in measurement, but THE worst photo of me ever (well not ever, there are more then plenty terrible pictures of me). so i was trying to be grown up and indifferent about it, you know, "whatever, its a passport photo, who has a good passport photo anyways?"....but then yesterday after a long rough day, i just decided that as silly as it may be i hated the photo, it wasn't even good technically, i mean you couldn't even see my eyes in it, it was so dark, my application probably would have been rejected because of it! and it would be in my passport for the next 10 years! so i decided, as silly or as vain or whatever it was, i didn't care, i was getting another one done. thus my day consisted of three separate trips back and forth to fedex to work out the correct photo size and then getting a friend to sign it.....eventually i got a passable photo that i feel ok having in my passport. you can actually see that i have eyes! i am now exhausted. who knew passports photos would take an entire day (sort of) to figure out. but its all done now and i now await my new passport.

josh and i are shooting a wedding tomorrow.....the above picture is from one of the first weddings i ever officially shot for a friend in canada and this is still one of my all time favorite photos from any wedding i have done. its encouraging to have that one picture that i love. it gives me a little booster, a reminder that i took it and if i did it once i can do it again.

right now, as with every other wedding (which are not that many) i have photographed, i have the butterflies fluttering around in my belly, the struggle with my self confidence, and a bad attitude about it. (yip, that's brutal honesty). and as with every other wedding, i am re reading my favorite verses that remind me that my gifts are from God, and my strength is from him too, and that my hearts desire is to use them to glorify him. and as with every other wedding before i am trying to shout those verses and more positive thoughts louder then the other ugly thoughts that like to bring me down.

its been a rough week. a mini battle field within, and without. last night i almost had a break down when i burnt the chicken and made the mashed potatoes soggy, more like soup then mash. (nothing tea couldn't fix in a jiffy). even though these weddings have been tough for me emotionally, i am thankful that i can look at them and see how i have grown, and how i have learnt to completely rely on God, not only in the times when i feel completely weak and inadequate (weddings) but in every area of my life. however i do not think being a wedding photographer is going to be the direction i will be taking in life, at this point anyways. and that is ok, i am ok with that. happy even. it's been a good discovery to make. in the meantime, i will gather all the strength i can, and do the very best i can, to capture and bless this couple.

"i can do everything through him who gives me strength" - phil 4:13

the other night we were talking about a comedian that my parents enjoy, victor borges, and so after today's passport mission, the heaviness of this week, and the anxiety for tomorrow, i decided i needed a bit of a giggle. thought i would share the giggle. the link below is from one of his acts called "inflationary speech". enjoy, and have a "twoderful" weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ehCFbVhT6o

love p i p s

fact.

2010-01-14T15:25:00.000-08:00

this week i went darker. i like it. i could go darker still. its fun.

last night i attempted to get my etsy account going. tried to make a baby step and then stubbed my toe....not literally, i was just trying to be clever with a metaphor....turns out i encountered a problem with setting up the account and so i am just waiting for a reply and hopeful solution. but just to let you know i did move forward a little bit.

i am thinking of trying out a new blog site called tumblr. i will let you know if and when i do make the transition.

i have been trying to get organised this week, filling out passport forms, and tax forms, taking moose to the vet, ordering a gift for josh for our anniversary...all that fun stuff....very random, but that has been my week. no art yet, but i am hoping to do something tomorrow. i will keep you posted.

and God is awesome. Fact.

lots of lovely love this thursday afternoon.

untitled

2010-01-13T10:35:00.000-08:00

dear haiti, i am praying for you.

colours of home

2010-01-12T15:48:00.000-08:00

the sun came out for a brief moment this morning. it made my heart happy. here are a few more things that made my heart happy today:

i got a belated christmas present last night (i love belated presents...they are so exciting) and here they are, all lined up on my fabulously colourful table cloth (which i also got as a christmas present from dubai).....can you tell i am ready for spring?....

these are the last of the oranges off our tree. i picked them this morning. i love oranges, and our tree makes delicious oranges, even though it is living in the sappy shadow of a pine tree that drops a ton of needles right on top of it.

i bought this plant at trader joes the other day after i took down my christmas decorations. its my reminder that spring is coming, and it makes me smile.

happy tuesday, i hope it is a colourful one.

tea time

2010-01-11T15:18:00.000-08:00

this is what i am craving right now, a chai tea latte from Queen Bean, a new discovery of mine. its my favorite chai tea anywhere. the Queen Bean is very close to our house which adds to its awesomeness, AND depending on who makes it, i get art in my tea!!
in other tea news, our office just got a kettle this morning, so i have been drinking lots of tea today which has been fabulous for me on a gloomy day....
i am slowly getting more Americans to drink tea...mwha ha ha ha ("evil" conniving laugh).
that's all that is on my brain today, tea....no that's not true....i actually have some other deeper thoughts swirling around up there, and i was going to write it all out, but i ran out of time, and i am not sure if the thoughts are cohesive enough to be written about, and make sense to anyone else other then myself. so until i gain more clarity, today i will write about my love of tea.

i do love it so.
its warmth on cold gloomy days.
its a smile when i am sad.
its dessert after dinner.
its comfort when i am upset.
its calm when i am stressed.
its something to do when i am bored.
its something to share with friends and family.
its a connection to my childhood.
its an excuse to stop, and just be.
its tea.

i highly recommend the Queen Bean chai latte to anyone else who shares my love of tea, and who lives near the Queen Bean (as in the same country, county and town), and those of you who don't i will be sure to share the experience with you when you come and visit me. hint hint.

Cheers!

well baby, maybe its not THAT cold

2010-01-08T16:33:00.001-08:00

so i just read another blog that i sometimes follow and she was talking about snow drifts and 4 feet of snow outside etc.... and it made me feel a bit silly for my previous post, so never mind about my feeling cold, i cannot possibly be cold in comparison to that. i mean i am cold, but that's ok, because i live in California and it will get hot sooner then most places and for that i am VERY thankful. my South African blood could not handle snow drifts and 4 feet of snow for very long.

baby its cold outside

2010-01-08T16:04:00.000-08:00

these photos are old, like 3 years old, from before i was married.....there are a few reasons why i am putting them up, one is because i just chatted to Danny (my brother) on the phone, and i miss him. he is coming to visit soon, probably in February to stay with us for a couple of months, which i am very excited about, it can't come soon enough! he just graduated from college and so he wants to get away and have some head space and just pray about the next step on this great adventure called life. i am so glad Modesto, and our house is where he wants to come to do that. another reason is this photo was taken in London, outside Buckingham palace, and today i have more of a desire then usual to travel somewhere, not really London, but it was one of the pics that i found on our laptop, but somewhere, i just want to travel......and then the last reason is that i am cold. i am sitting in my house with the central heat on and a little space heater at my feet and i am still cold!!! and this picture looks cold, brrrr! just like how i am feeling right now.
hmmm....that all sounded very whiny when i re read it, i didn't mean it too, i am actually quite content and happy, but seeing these photos just evoked and mirrored some feelings and thoughts going through my head today. so i thought i would share the randomness.
so to counter the whiny-ness here is something happy:..... its FRIDAY! i am wearing yellow! i purchased a new awesome bag with some Christmas money today, i had coffee and lunch with two wonderful friends of mine, and my hubby is coming home soon and i think i am going to take him on a surprise date tonight (thanks for the idea Dan)
Happy Friday and have a lovely weekend!

smiles for a dreary day

2010-01-07T15:48:00.000-08:00

the twitter of my he(art)

2010-01-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

thought i would share a little bit of what i have been busy with the last few months since i started working part time. here are some of the art pieces i have done. a few of them have already sold at the local farmers market that i went to in December (a small step to get my self and my art out there). it was pouring buckets of rain, so most of the Modesto public stayed in doors, but my friends were troopers and still braved the weather and came out to support me which meant the world! (if i haven't said it already thank you so much!).....so enjoy, comment, critique.....and if you like what you see, i plan to have my work on Etsy to sell very soon, so if you don't see me moving in that direction then please nag me and nudge me along, i seem to procrastinate a lot when it comes to selling my art, so i need a kick in the butt every once in a while.

Have a lovely day!

twenty ten

2010-01-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

"He has made everything Beautiful in its time" eccl 3:11

(click on image to make larger to read)
"God is at work beyond all the boundaries we create" -paul hughes

remembering 2009, moving forward into 2010

2010-01-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you! My excuse for my belatedness is that i was up in Canada with my family and tended to avoid the computer whenever possible. We had a wonderfully relaxing and very special Christmas with my family. it was filled with lots of food and church and laughter (a good combination i would say). i am having a hard time readjusting to reality, it doesn't get easier that is for sure.

Some favorite memories that stood out to me from 2009....and i am sure there are many more that my terrible memory just cannot remember yet...so it will probably be a growing list, but this is what i have so far...... (just click on the image to enlarge it to a more readable size)

next will be some "New Years Resolutions"...although Josh doesn't like that label, so i guess i will call them, goals, dreams, aspirations and hopes for 2010....

2010, it just sounds so cool, how can it not be a good year? i am excited.

far and few between

2009-12-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it has been 3 months since i last blogged. Worst blogger ever right here!! I think that will be one of my new years resolutions, to blog more....we will see how that goes.

Alot has happened since I last blogged, alot of art work created, and some of it even sold, but I will talk about that another time.

Today I want to share one of the most awesome moments/experiences of the last 3 months, actually of this entire year (and it has been a pretty awesome year). A good friend of mine was expecting her second child and asked if i would photograph the birth. She said I went white after she asked me, and I believe her, I felt "white". She thought I was "white" because of the idea of witnessing a birth for the first time in my life without having a child of my own. And although that was a slight concern, the biggest "whitening" effect for me, was the taking photos part. I felt more anxious about it then how I have felt when I have done weddings in the past. I took a week to think and pray about it before I made up my mind and called her. I think the main thing that pushed me to decide was, waking up every day wondering if she had had the baby and I knowing that if I found out she had, I would have regretted not being there to capture it. So I made the call and said I would do it.

A week and a half went by of clutching my phone wondering if and when it would ring. Of going to bed with the biggest butterflies in my stomach. Finlly 12:50am Wednesday the 18th of November I got the call. I was up and at the hospital in 15 minutes flat (be impressed!), and 45 minutes later Miles Warren King was born, a perfect, very handsome baby boy.

2 hours later I drove home, tears streaming down my face, I was completely overwhelmed and in awe of how great and awesome our God is. I had no words to describe, still don't, every time I look back at the photos I get goosebumps, and I love to cuddle Mr Miles whenever I get the chance.

salt and pipper for sale

2009-11-24T15:44:00.000-08:00

fancy feet

2009-10-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

a couple of weekends ago we traveled south for a wedding.
one of josh's good friends growing up was getting married, and the celebration was taking place in the los angeles area. so i got the opportunity to see a little snippet of the southern part of california.

the wedding was a fancy affair. the ceremony was at a church in bel air, on top of a hill with a magnificent view of the valley below..... it was hard to know what to focus on the beautiful bride or the beautiful view (might be because i am a romantic at heart, but the beautiful couple won my attention)....the reception took place at an expensive restaurant in down town LA with valet parking and a giant chrystal chandelier....it was a very very fun wedding with dancing all night long.

in order for me to fit into the posh occasion i had to raid my friends closets for suitable attire. and i even decided i would probably have to over come my fear of high heels for this one time. so i borrowed a pair of cute black high heels. the night before we left i tried a couple of outfits on, with the heels and toppled around the house practicing my walk on the stilts. when a friend of mine came over to drop off another couple of dresses to try, i proudly showed her the HIGH heels i would be wearing. she looked at them and said "oh those are just kitten heels, you will be fine!!".... kitten heels??? to me they were neck brakingly high heels, not kitten heels.....but i smiled and acted cool.."yeah...ha ha....just kitten heels".

on saturday we drove to santa monica pier and wondered the wide expanse of beach, dreaming of ways in which we could one day live in such a place.....our conclusion was: change jobs and become famous (easy peasy right).....then we drove down rodeo drive keeping half an eye open for a movie star or something, but mostly just gazed at the fanciness of the place....

then we headed back to our hotel and donned our fancy attire, high heels and all, and headed for the wedding. at the reception i noticed another girls shoes, and had to giggle to myself in understanding as to why my friend had called my heels, kittens....this other poor girl really was walking on stilts....i don't know how she did it and still looked glamorous.

i am very proud to say that i lived to tell my tale. the heels didn't kill me...the kittens didn't turn into terrifying tigers part way through the night and bite at my little feet. in fact i even danced the night away in them, and i didn't take them off once!

it was a fun fancy weekend, and i look forward to one day exploring more of the south, but probably not in heels.

the kings and i.

2009-09-21T10:52:00.001-07:00

love these lovely ladies.

the 19th of september 2009, my 27th year on planet earth

2009-09-19T04:29:00.000-07:00

so it is 4:30am (did i say am??...well i meant AM!!) on my 27th Birthday and yip, i am wide awake! the rest of my household (being josh and moose....no guests at present) are sound asleep! so far i have had THE most amazing birthday and it has not even been my birthday yet until now....and now i am up all alone at some strange hour of the day...but its more like night, 4am could never be day??? anyways it brings me some comfort and warm fuzzy thoughts knowing that i have dear friends on other sides of the world who are also up and about right now enjoying the 19th of september 2009, only they are enjoying it at a more decent hour, an hour that is actually day, with sunshine and birds and other such happy things. not to say i am unhappy, quite the contrary, i am so happy i am keeping myself awake which is kinda making me grumpy. so to sum up i am just a happy grumpy 27 year old i guess.....
so back to my amazing birthday (so far)....it has been one happy surprise after another. the celebrating seemed to start last saturday, my mother in law had us over for my birthday dinner of deliciousness (italian bbqed chicken, with yam fries, and some veggies that were delicious but i cannot remember what they were, the other things over shadowed them i guess....poor veggies.... followed by cheesecake). we shared the meal with josh's grandparents who are on their annual visit from arizona. we played a new, somewhat competitive game ( very much like the board game "sorry" i used to play alot when i was a kid). i learnt alot about the ebersoles competitive spirit and the ebersole men's "mean" streak...it was a VERY close game but the men did win....however we had a rematch a couple of nights later and the ladies triumphed, in case you were wondering. so that was the beginning....
THEN...now this is new news, and i am very excited about it.....but i will have to bore you with some details before i get to the point of it all so bear with me.....
so josh and i, since we started talking about getting married, have always wanted to try and be a single income family. my hearts desire is to one day be a mom, and to be a stay at home mom. its just been something that is very important to my heart and to josh's and so that has been our plan. most of the world probably thinks we are nuts, especially with a teachers salary, but that's ok, they can think that, i kinda like being nuts (in a good healthy, unique kind of way). so we hoped to kick the "plan" into gear once josh had a full time teaching job, which this time last year we weren't sure if or when it would happen with the economy etc...actually even a couple of months ago we had no idea if or when it would happen. so the "plan" was once he was full time i would quit working and be home ( seemed to make sense to be able to live off one salary with just the two of us before we added little peeps to the mix of all the good things in life),
and the idea was for me to work on my art. when josh first got his job in turlock, as i wrote before, it was only a 40% position. so we thanked God for a job at all, and his dream job none the less, and accepted the fact that i would be working for a little bit longer. in two weeks josh's job had been bumped up to 100%!!! but we decided i would still work at least for the winter as winter is the fire place stores busiest season and i would have felt terrible leaving right before that, plus the extra money would help us get to south africa, hopefully next summer. so away we went into the new school year of 09/2010 ( still doesn't make sense to me to have the school year different to the actual year, so confusing....also how do you write 2010? just 10? or 010? or the whole thing 2010??....hmmm so did i mention it is 4:55 am in the MORNING!!!...yip...still awake....and as you are realizing, my mind is very much alive and on full speed ahead! lucky you, you can stop reading at any moment, i have to live with it alllll time)......so where was i...oh yes, both of us working like busy bees in the year 09/2010, or 10? or 010?...whatever, its irrelevant write now cos it is still 09....as in 2009.....however so as you have all probably heard, the economy is slow right now....i think the words "its the economy" is the new buzz word of these last couple of years, like "the world wide web" was for a few (lots of) years ago....again not important.....so thankfully in "this economy" up until this point the construction and fire place company i work for has been with business. until a couple of weeks ago the construction side slowed down alot. so i felt i needed to let them know of "the plan" and then we could decide from there what was the best thing to do and figure out the best for all of us. i didn't feel right not sharing where i was at, and what my intentions where (to quit after winter), i figured maybe not having to pay me would help in some way, and besides i really only answer the phones, i am not the biggest asset to the company!!! just a lil helper bee. a very happy helper bee might i add, i have loved working where i work for the last two years, i feel like i have become a part of the family (its a family run business, or businesses....its two companies, owned by brothers that share the same office space, and i answer both of their phones....let me tell you it is always a mouthful when i have to explain something about my work....its fun, it kinda adds to my answer to "so where are you from?"...and by the end of it all the person i am talking to is wishing they had spoken to someone who looked more like a modesto native then i do, kinda like the way you are feeling about starting to read this early morning novel about nothing and everything all at the same time..... and i am just thirsty, like i am now, i have cotton mouth...bleg!....!).
so yes where was i?...i feel a part of the family, and working there has been such a huge part of making me feel at home here in modesto. so i will be eternally thankful for that. i have made some lasting friendships that i know will be a part of my life and my kids lives one day, and they mean the world to me!!! (my kids will too one day, but right now i was referring to my friends from work, who are also my bosses....just to correct my grammatical error with a longer more incorrect grammatical sentance....i am sure if my english teacher was reading this she would be as mad as she used to be if the word "chick" was used in reference to a lady (? woman? I can't remember what she wanted to be called but it wasn't anything that could be belittling to the female person)). So back to the point of all of this....there really is one i promise.....so i made known to my bosses the "plan" and then they figured out a plan. and so as of this week i am down to part time hours, i work mondays and thursdays. and i LOVE it! i am so stinkin excited about it. i think all day tuesday i walked around (my own house and the grocery store....and other places i went to on tuesday) with a gigantic goofy grin plastered on my face. and i kept saying to myself "oh how i love the morning light in my house", or "oh how i love winco (the grocery store that is usually a very unpleasant, not for any reason, experience) at this time of the day", or "how beautiful the day is today", and i would do a little jig and grin to myself. i was just so full of joy, goofy joy, and excitement. i still am, i think its part of the reason i am still up....it is now 5:21 am......
so a little bit more background to all this......(seriously this is all going through my head right now, and if i don't write it out somewhere i think i will go crazy, or just plain grumpy from no sleep, and i don't want to be grumpy on my 27th birthday)....so a year ago if you mentioned art to me, i would have responded.....hmm....how would i have responded????.....i don't know how i would have responded exactly, my face would have probably contorted into something resembling a confused face, a face of someone battling something, battling a love/hate relationship. i both loved art and was terrified of it. it has been a very painful process for me to create art for as long as i can remember, well actually since i started studying it at university (weird i know, but true). so any art i created really was a labor of love. and as much as i hated that i struggled so much with the process and with myself, i could also some how be thankful for it because of the growth that came from it, and as unbelievable as it is, the joy i did eventually experience when i started creating. so a year ago, even though i had this "plan" i was no were near being ready to pursue it, i didn't feel good enough, passionate enough, anything enough, i didn't feel. it mostly made me sick to my stomach and like such a failure. and i say failure only because i had this dream and have had this dream forever, and yet had nothing to drive me towards it, no desire, no passion, no umph....i was quite content to just sit and dream and answer phones. and it broke my heart and i felt like a failure, especially when i watched other people just strive for, and love what they were doing. i wanted that so much. i have never been really ambitious or competitive, so the idea of making loads of money or pursuing fame didn't grab me at all, infact it pushed me further back into my shell of double glazed protection (i need double glazing cos i get cold really easily). so i was far away, i did art every now and then, mostly as gifts for people, infact for the last 4 years most, if not all my art has been gifts for people, little personalised pieces. they where what inspired me in my art and drove me to do it, and i am thankful for that. but mostly i just beat myself up about it. i can't really tell you what changed exactly, or when it changed, i think this summer sometime. summer is SLOW at the office, so i made a little art carry thing and brought some art stuff into work and worked on some, mainly gifts, and commissioned pieces. then one day i didn't have any more art that i HAD to do for anyone, so i just played, no agenda, no plan.....i just had fun.....actually.... i just remembered what kinda triggered my "playtime", it was when were up in Canada over the summer, and walking around downtown vancouver, i stumbled upon an artist, and her studio, and fell in love with her work, i walked out so inspired and excited....so maybe that was when it changed. since then i have felt more and more ready to just be home and do some art, i still don't want to pursue being famous or getting my name "big", i just want to create and do it.....and let it be as it will be, fall where it may fall. i have a couple of ideas of how to sell it, only one of which involves approaching a gallery here in modesto (that's mainly because there are not many art galleries here in modesto that i think would be interested in my art....). so this part time gig came at THE most perfect time in my life. this week on my days off i created 5 pieces of art and i think i have opened a can of worms, a can of gummy worms (so a good thing), maybe a can of sour gummy worms, the sour part being the lack of sleep due to the ideas that are pouring through my head. i have never experienced this before, i mean i have experienced sleepless nights due to my mind being on overdrive, but never because of art related things, unless it was being in angst over it. literally every time i close my eyes i see a new art idea in my head.....its crazy....i have started writing them down so i can remember them all. so that has been one of the best birthday presents this week, time at home to create art. AND we still get a little bit of pocket money to go towards our south africa trip, it will take a bit more discipline and saving up, but that's ok....i am ok with that.
back to my birthday. on thursday my wonderful work bought me a delicious apple pie and we all had break time together with grandpa and grandma king. that night i was serenaded by my small group with a great rendition of "happy birthday" with a candle to boot! then friday i was invited to lunch at my friend/bosses house (i feel weird calling her my boss cos she is more my really good friend, as is her oldest daughter, its really fun!). they surprised me with a couple of other friends joining us and we had a lovely time hanging out and eating more delicious food off purple violet plates. then when i finally returned home (after an expensive trip to the art store), josh surprised me (and i was really surprised cos i didn't think he had planned anything, i didn't even know he had remembered that it was my birthday, i kept reminding him that he had better buy me a birthday present....inside joke....). so he surprised me first when i came from the bathroom after my bath, and he was all dressed up. a good indication to me that i should probably put something nicer on then my ripped denium shorts for dinner, and a good indication of where we were going to dinner. Gelatos, one of the two (that i know of) fancier restuarants in modesto. we had a lovely dinner together, feeling all posh and pretty. then we left and headed....home....i smiled and said to josh "you know what i thought? i thought you were going to surprise me and take me to tap dogs" (an awesome australian tap group that was in town, i had seen them twice back in south africa). he smiled and said "oh sorry"....and home we went to our poor puppy who had been outside most of the day and was dying for our attention once more. when we got into the house josh plonked down on the couch and i moved towards the bedroom to change into those ripped denim shorts, but then thought it was strange that josh was not rushing towards the bedroom for more comfy attire, so i sat down next to him. and there on the coffee table was a card he had made, with a finger and a dog drawn onto the front. i picked it up suspiciously, and read it.....and then looked at him blankly but smiled a thank you at his sweet note.....then he pointed back to his drawings on the front (as I had clearly missed the point).....and i said; "yeah that is your finger representing you, and that is moose, so it is from both of you, thank you". and he pointed out some other pencil lines near the finger and said "what is the finger doing?" and i replied "um....its pointed like this" (and i made the weird gnarly curled gesture that the finger was making) ...."yes, but what is it doing....you do it alot"........a moment of blank silence....you would think with a mind that whirs at this capacity at 4am i would get there quicker.....nope, it just whirs at this capacity to keep me up at night, morning, or whatever it is right now.........whirrrrr......."Oh!!" (light bulb)..."its tapping"......yay i figured out what that finger was doing but still not the point.......another blank moment.......whirrrr....finger tapping and a dog....."TAP DOGS!!!!". and so my second surprise was a date to see the tap dog show......we had finished dinner too early to go straight to the theatre (we both didn't eat very much and where stuffed so couldn't fit dessert in, such lightweights!) so we came home, which actually ended up being a perfect diversion as i was hoping he would take me, but this way i didn't think he was because we headed home and i thought we would watch a movie or something. so we put poor pup outside again and headed back down town.......loved it!!! this may sound silly, but it was so meaningful to me to be able to share something that i had enjoyed in south africa, with josh, its a gap filler, until i can share south africa with him in its fullest, its these little experiences that are possible to share with him here, and it means the world to me.......
so as of 6:10 am on the 19th of September 2009, my 27th birthday, i have already had a blast.....i am just super sleepy...........maybe i will sleep now?
well the positive to all of this is that even if i don't get any sleep tonight, today? i am pretty sure this blog has put some of you to sleep...so someone is getting some sleep, or rather someone else is getting some sleep, as josh and moose are already someone(s) getting sleep in this house.
goodnight.

the thoughts that travel through

2009-08-27T15:20:00.000-07:00

These are just totally random thoughts that I am having right now.....a little snap shot into the very unprofound yet thoughtful (as in Full of random unprofound) mind of Pips.....

1) judging by the rate at which the hair grows on my legs, if I was a man I would have a 5 o'clock shadow by noon!

2) I would like to live in a song, like a worship song, or a Coldplay song, or a Jon Foreman song.

3) parenting....nope nothing to announce, but parenting is on my mind a lot it seems....parenting and Mohawks.....

4) whats for dinner?....oh wait I have to decide that.....hmmmm.....blaaank!

5) I wonder how many balloons it would take to lift a kid off the ground...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cXJkghrysI

6) "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. - Isaiah 55:8 .... thank goodness, judging by my thoughts nothing would get done. Also this may not seem random but amidst the rest of the thoughts it is.....And thankfully so.

7) what to do to Celebrate Josh's Birthday next week???

8) I need to get a filing cabinet so that I can organise all the loose papers flying around the guest room closet. And when I get said filing cabinet I need to paint it some fun colour....probably orange, unless I can find an orange one, then my work would be done....except the filing part....hmmm

9) I need to pee

10) wonder where my family are right now.....

11) wish I had time to work on some art.

12) 15 minutes until home time. Until I see Josh. Well a little more then 15 before I see Josh....

13) things I need to do: clean the house (in preparation for a friend visiting from Canada this weekend! Yay!). Send off paper work to hand in my Canadian Residency (which I have had filled out for a month now), get a passport photo for the Canadian Residency thing so that I can send it. Pay off my student loan, figure out how to wire money so that I can pay off my student loan. Buy avocados for dinner tomorrow night.

14) Why do I procrastinate, even in the middle of getting organised?

15) that's a nice number to end on, can't possible have more then 15 random thoughts pouring through my head can I?

P.S apparently "unprofound" isn't a word...interesting, I am still using it though.....that doesn't count as a thought though 'cos it is a P.S......

missing you

2009-08-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

You are there

I am here

and then there is distance

and time

and memories

they create space

in that space

I am thankful

for you

-Pips.

eye love

2009-08-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

I love these two photos for two reasons. One cos I love both subjects, and two, I love both of their eyes. My husbands baby blues that caught my attention and heart, that make me smile daily, that look at me and know me and love me. And Moose's Big brown puppy eyes that seem to look into my soul, I mean how on earth can you stay mad when he looks at you like this? Even after chewing up my couch!!! Which by the way I have great news, I ordered a replacement cushion cover for like $35!! How awesome is that?

photo a day phinish

2009-08-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

One year ago a casual facebook chat with a close friend from art class turned into a "photo-a-day" project. The idea was to take one photo a day with no pressure, no rules, just for fun. I was at a very frustrated point in my photography and art, and needed to remember again why I did it. I needed to enjoy it again. And so began my "photo-a-day" album on facebook. It started out with no rules or dates (the only rule was one photo a day). After I filled up one facebook album with 200 photos I decided to put an end date on my project and see if I could complete a year. This past Thursday was the last day of my "photo-a-day" project. So I created a couple collages of some of my favorites and thought I would post them here for you all to see. It was a fun year. I definitely discovered and learnt alot about myself and my art, I found my fun in it again, and I felt hugely encouraged all along the way. To be honest towards the end it began to feel little bit like a chore I had to do, that is why I am taking a break from it for a while, but my mind is already thinking up some new different project I could start on. The next project I do I will be sure to share it on my blog too.

Its kind of weird not having to come up with a photo for the day or take my camera everywhere, although it is very hard to not bring it along, it seems to be a permanent attachment to me these days.

feeling blue?

2009-08-24T13:55:00.001-07:00

This what we were up to this weekend....Being blue.

As tempted as I am to leave it at that I suppose I should give more of an explanation.

We were acting (miming) in a short (5min) film that our previous church is making for one of their events. It was a lot of fun. I always left the acting side of things to Danny, being terrified as a kid on stage for all my ballet recitals, I never really pictured myself in any sort of acting position. But it was actually a lot of fun.

Don't let our faces fool you (or scare you).

Goodness

2009-08-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

New News. As of Friday Josh is now up to a 100% position. The school liked him so much that they kept adding periods to his schedule so he is now a full time employee. God is good!

And a few random photos we took the other night in our street. For fun.

Drama Queen

2009-08-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

I had a rough end to my weekend, and decided to have a mini break down yesterday. Lately Moose has been breaking out of the barricade of baby gates we create for him, and has been good at roaming the house free and not creating destruction and havoc. So we have been leaving him to roam. As we did yesterday when we went to our Church's BBQ, only yesterday Moose decided was the day he would create some havoc, and decided our couch was THE best chew toy in the house (see photo above). So we arrived home to a cloud of couch stuffing (yes I am being overly dramatic because that is how I am feeling right now) and one of our couch cushions a little worse for wear. Not pretty. Our friend Jess had ridden with us to the BBQ and was witness to the fiasco. I waited until she left and then just broke down. Just like that. I was a puddle of tears. You would have thought I had just heard the worst news in the whole world! But I hadn't, my couch just has holes in it. Now I would not consider myself a particularly materialistic person at all, and so I was more puzzled and perplexed as to why this upset me more then anyone.
Poor Josh.
Eventually, after a nice bath and a delicious cup of tea I calmed myself down and snuggled up with Josh on the couch, holes and all, to watch our favorite show, "friends". Best way to cheer me up.
Here is my theory....I have been told by a couple of counselors I have seen in the past that I am someone who tends to bottle things up. Push things way down and store them, and then one day I just erupt.
When I was growing up, my best friends family and my family had a bible study together, and one night we had to make drawings describing each other. She drew a volcano for me......I didn't understand back then, but I am beginning to more and more. Perhaps she should have been a counselor......
Over the years I have seen a bit of a trend and pattern with this theory. The most frustrating and embarrassing thing about this is that it seems to be the silliest things that cause my eruption, like Moose chewing up our couch. It leaves me feeling so confused and, well plain old silly. If it was something more heart wrenching, or hard, I would feel like it was worth the tears and grief, and I would feel like I was really processing through something. But a couch! Seriously the way I reacted you would think it was the end of the world as we know it. And inside is this strange war going on between the very reasonable, even keel Pips, "its just a couch!" and the drama queen Pips, "MY COUCH.....baaaaaaaa". Sometimes I try just let myself weep, I try to tell myself that it is OK, its good to have a good ol cry every now and then, and I so very rarely am able to even shed one tear, that I should take advantage of the opportunity. But since it is always over something really dumb its hard to really give myself that liberty. I mean I would rather bawl my eyes out over a sad movie, but that is hard to do too cos I have Josh staring at me and asking every 2 seconds "are you crying?".
So here I am Monday morning, exhausted and dramatic, with a holey couch, and wondering what my puppy is up to as I sit here at work. Otherwise life is awesome. I have an AMAZING husband, the best! A great lil house. I have an incredible family and wonderful friends. And I have an adorable puppy, whom I love to bits, even though he does like to chew up my things, I am thankful he is OK. I mean it could have been worse, he could have been missing, or he could have choked on a piece of couch fluff!
Just thought I would share this with you to give you a bit of a giggle this Monday morning. I think it is hilarious, and ridiculous. I would rather be laughing at it then crying. I am done crying for a while. Had my dose.
Time for this volcano to be dormant for a while.

lemon and honey

2009-08-12T15:12:00.000-07:00

A week ago today at this very time we were driving my Mom back to the airport. She was with us for a week and a half. I had such a special time with her. We shopped, we gardened (kinda), we had coffee (well tea) and lunches, we supervised painting, and went on beach visits. But most special to me where the many heart to heart, mother daughter chats we had. I feel like we caught up on the last 5 years. The last few years after moving to Canada have been tough, especially for my parents, and I feel like my Mom and I lived on Parallel lines for a lot of the time. This trip our lines came together again and it made my heart happy. And then sad to say good bye again. I have come to realise that as much as I love visits and visitors, I still don't like the goodbyes, and I have also come to realise that there are a lot of goodbyes in life. Goodbyes are like lemons. My Mom has lemon and honey every morning, it is her morning drink. Whenever she visits there is always a lemon sitting on a saucer near our kettle. Honey is a good pairing for lemons. Just like thankfulness is a good pairing for goodbyes. Being thankful for the memories created, and the memories yet to be made, has carried me through many a heart wrenching goodbye. So my new motto is: when life hands you lemons, add honey.

Thanks for the visit Mom.

its official

2009-08-03T14:16:00.000-07:00

I am officially and unconditionally a Permanent Resident of the United States of America. Last week I received a letter congratulating me because the 2 year conditional status has been lifted from my residency, and in 6 weeks I should receive my "green card". A couple of Months ago we sent in another package with lots of proof that we were still married in order to get the conditions removed. What a long journey it has been. A Good, sometimes bad, long journey. I went back and read some of my old e-mails that I used to send regularly from around the time of our wedding. It was fun to remember the obstacles we had to maneuver around, and be reminded of God's faithfulness, perfect timing, and better plan. So it seems Flyingpips is settling for a while on Californian soil. Lets see how long that lasts. I got a fortune in a fortune cookie today saying I will set foot on many soils around the world. Looks like I am a step ahead of my fortune cookie.

knowing

2009-07-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

This week was a big week for Josh with 2 interviews. We went into it praying in faith that one of the 2 positions would work out for him, but at the same time trusting Gods plan whatever it looked like. Whether it looked like one of the two teaching jobs, or some other job in a different field.

Turns out it didn't look like either, and once again God surprised us with His perfect plan and infinite knowledge of us and our needs.

During the interview Josh had with the High School, they mentioned that there was also a part time ceramics position open at the school. At that point it was a 40% job. So when Josh got home, he sent in an application for it. Even though it wasn't a full time position, it was still exciting for him. Josh took ceramics classes both in High School and at college, and ever since I have known him he has always ultimately wanted to be a ceramics teacher one day.

Yesterday Josh got a call from the Principal of Turlock High School (the High school he interviewed at, it is about a 15-20 minute drive from where we live) and was offered the job of ceramics and photography teacher! Since he had spoken to them at the interview they had added a photography class, making the position a 60% position which means we get benefits and better pay then what we are getting on unemployment at the moment. Josh is so excited. He will be teaching a subject he has always wanted to teach, and teach in a High School, but not have to take on the intimidating load of an entire art program the first year he teaches at High School level. There is also potential for the program to eventually become full time. We are very EXCITED and thankful for Gods awesome provision once again. His plan is always better then ours.

I don't know if I mentioned if Josh accepted the position? Well he did, and will start teaching at Turlock High on August 18th!

Thank you for all your thoughts prayers and encouragement, it means a lot!

the Great KNOWN

2009-07-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

Jeremiah 29:11

change is hard

2009-07-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

In other news, we have officially moved churches. It has been a 2 and a half year journey, but we finally feel settled and excited in our new little church. It's strange how something exciting can still be hard.

In moving to Redeemer we felt we needed to join a small group at Redeemer and get more plugged in and involved, however this meant we had to leave the small group we have been a part of for the last two years. One of the hardest decisions we have had to make. A decision that took months for us to actually muster up the courage to do.

Last night we hung out with our small group for the last time and my heart ached. As I looked around the room at the other couples we have shared life with over these two years (pretty much as long as we have been married) my eyes welled up as I realized how much I loved them all. Change is so hard.

It reminded me of the feelings and emotions I had when I moved countries (both times). It's this strange mixture of excitement for the new, for the adventure that lies ahead, with sadness and heart aches for the memories and people you are leaving behind. It feels silly cos we aren't moving away, we can still see these people we have grown close to and love, just not as often. I will just have to more intentional now.

I think these big changes (and losses) that occur in our lives (although compared to moving countries this isn't that big, but for some reason feels like it, and is evoking similar responses and emotions in me), makes us take a step back and look at life from a different perspective, it gives us an opportunity to express our gratitude and love for those we don't necessarily always take the time to tell how much they mean to us. It reminds me that I need to be better at telling people how much they mean to me and my life.

So to our dear small group, this is what I couldn't put into words last night (mainly cos I am ridiculously shy in big groups and my face would have been as red as a tomato, and I probably would have burst in to tears, and been utterly dismayed, but it was on my heart and in my thoughts)......We love you all so much. We are so thankful for having you all as a part of our lives these last 2 years, to share the ups and downs of life. Thank you for all your prayers, encouragement, love, memories, and much laughter. You are a special group and we will miss being a part of it. Thank you for all your support and understanding as we make this move. You guys are awesome, and will continue to be in our prayers. I will not say goodbye, but see you later!!!

And away we go into another great unknown, taking baby steps and excited for what God has in store for us.

The Great Unknown

2009-07-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

Ephesians 3:20

We find ourselves once again looking blindly ahead into an unknown future post the hot summer days. Josh was laid off at the end of the school year from the school he was teaching at, something we had expected to happen when he was first hired on. The position he had was funded by grant money and so it all depended on whether they got the money or not for the next year, that, and the declining economy, which saw schools cutting art and music programs from their budget, made it unavoidable that he would be laid off.

We held loosely to the hope that the grant money would still come in so that he could get rehired at the school he was at. Even though he desired to move to a school district closer to home, in this economy he would have been content to stay another year or too, and had grown quite attached to the kids he was teaching. But that was not an option. We didn't expect there to be many job opportunities out there for him in the art field, due to many art teachers being laid off with more experience, scrambling for available jobs. But amazingly three art positions came up that he applied for in school districts closer to home. We were amazed and excited, and waited expectantly for 2 weeks before he got a call back for an interview for two of the three positions. Funny how, just when you are about to start biting your fingernails and worry a little more, God plonks a bunch of hope in your lap to carry you a little further.

Both interviews are this week, one was this morning at 8am (he thinks it went well) the other is tomorrow morning at 9:30am. The one this morning was for a high school position, and the one tomorrow is for a junior high position. Up to this point he has taught junior high, but would ultimately like to be a high school art teacher. So we are hoping and praying for the high school position but will be happy and content with either position.

We have both felt an incredible peace these last couple of months, even though everything ahead is so unknown at this point. Sometimes I feel like I should be worrying more, praying harder, feeling more anxious. I mean we have a MORTGAGE to pay now! I have been waiting for all those feelings to tumble down on top of me. But to be honest I feel so at peace, so secure in my faith and knowledge that God has a perfect plan, perfect timing, and that he is in complete control. I have no idea what that plan will look like, if it will match up to what we are hoping for it to look like or not, all I know is that His plan is the only plan I want for our life, it's the best plan for us. I am praying with all my heart that one of these teaching positions will open up for Josh (all we need is one), because I believe he has a gift to teach kids, to impact their lives and love on them. At the same time I know that if no teaching job opens up for next year there is something else God wants Josh to be doing for now, and so even though it may make no sense to us, what will ALWAYS make sense is that God knows best and has the best plan for us. He is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine". Thank goodness! My fingernails can stay intact. With God the unknown is great!

I will keep you posted.

big kids

2009-07-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

Inspired

2009-07-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

www.theuniformproject.com

Best

2009-06-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

I LOVE surprises, the thing is that somehow I figure them out, not because I am nosy (well I don't think I am), or curious, but just because I do. I stumble over them and figure them out (maybe I should be a detective or something.....then again stumbling over the things detectives stumble over is not all that appealing to me....waaay different to surprises...so maybe not).

Two days after we arrived back from Canada my amazing friend Jess booked me for a girls night with her, filled with a pedicure, dinner and a wonderfully girly movie. I was so excited and touched, I thought it was her sweet thoughtful way of cheering me up, which it was and it did. In the meantime guys went to play Frisbee.

Towards the end of our wonderfully girly movie the guys arrived home (to our house), we said a quick hallo and then continued to be glued to the tele (well at least I was). So Josh started telling us a funny story of something that happened to them at "in and out", a fast food restaurant (I thought they had gone to P.Wexfords, the local pub...but let him finish his story). This was his story: " So this random girl came over and stole our fries, she just sat down at our table, wearing an "in and out" hat and started eating our fries, Dave got a picture of her". At this point I was thinking my husband ate too many fries or something. But Dave proceeded to show me a photo of this girl on his iPhone. She indeed was wearing an "in and out hat", and she looked ALOT like my good friend Kirst. I can't really remember what I said but I know in my head I was thinking "what the heck? why does Dave have a picture of Kirst on his phone? and why is she wearing an "in and out" hat? did he photo shop it in? Why would he do that?". I was so confused. I had a split second thought that she may be here but then pushed the thought away thinking that was so impossible, and continued to be completely confused about this joke the boys were trying to play on me. In my confusion I went to the front door, muttering that I didn't get whatever they were up too and just wanted to finish watching my movie. And there standing on the other side of my front door was Kirst, my childhood friend from South Africa, who is now living in London, on my doorstep!

I was in complete shock and disbelief and yet at the same time it felt so completely normal to have her in my house. It was the best night. My toes were all pretty and orange, I got to hang out with my lovely Jess AND my other lovely friend Kirst came all the way from London to surprise and see me!!!! Happy.

So in case you were wondering, the boys didn't go and play Frisbee but in fact went to the airport. Josh had known for a month that Kirst was coming (kinda scary how well he kept the secret from me), AND I got another week off work to hang out and spend with Kirst.

Very Happy.

Thanks Kirst! You are a huge blessing my friend!

The Blue Chair

2009-06-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

I love randomness. I love it when it catches you by surprise and makes you smile. When it presents a fun opportunity. My most recent collision with randomness came in the form of a lovely blue chair. (see above)

We just spent two wonderful weeks up in Canada with my family and friends. Our amazing friends, Jess and Dave, from California, drove up with us (we did the beautiful coast drive up the 101 that stretches the trip over two days). The first week was a full house, people and dogs everywhere (we brought Moose along and Jess and Dave brought their dog Emmi, I think Chester realised how old he was with our two bouncing puppies ready to play at ANY time of the day). It was Brilliant.

The Second week was quieter, but as full and wonderful. The Sunday that Jess and Dave Left, Dan and I took a morning walk with the dogs, and there in the middle of our path was this marvelous blue chair. We were so excited we practically skipped home and couldn't wait until after church to come back and do a photo shoot (of course). I am happy to say that the next day the chair was smuggled safely into my parents shed for future fun photo shoots!

Always let randomness catch you by surprise. It will make your day brighter, and perhaps even bluer....(in a good "blue sky" kind of way).

Orange you lovely

2009-05-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

Nostalgic trails

2009-05-19T15:34:00.000-07:00

Every morning I take Moose for a run along this bike path by our house called the Virginia Trail. It is quite lovely. Along the edge there is wild grass, cosmos, Californian poppies and Daisy's growing. The combination smell of all of them brings back memories of my summer on Keats Island in Canada, working for Barnabas family ministries, the first year I arrived in Canada, in fact I had arrived 4/5 months prior to going to Keats. This nostalgia I feel always takes me by surprise. I am used to remembering South Africa and having the most random smell or sound set off a memory or a longing for the place I grew up. But when something sparks that same feeling for Canada, a place I lived for three years I am often caught off guard. It makes me realize that the short time I spent in Canada, as unsettled as it was, was so meaningful to me and to who I am today. Those memories contribute in shaping me just as much as my South African memories. This morning it got me thinking about years down the road, when I am 36, and I have lived the same amount of time out of Africa, as I have in Africa, I will probably still feel a deep connection to the place where I grew up. It makes me realize once again how integral and foundational my childhood really is. I am so blessed that I had an amazing childhood and can only pray that I will one day provide a similar foundation for my own kids. By the Grace of God.

home time

2009-05-08T15:30:00.001-07:00

"To know God is to be free of the incessant need to understand exactly what He is doing before you place confidence in Him." - Joni Eareckson Tada, When God Weeps

simple smiles

2009-05-01T09:36:00.000-07:00

Things that made me smile so far today: Waking up next to Josh. Moose nudges for cuddles. Going for a run with Moose. A clean house. Wearing boots one last time. Seeing a big rugged man walking his daughters to school with a multi coloured umbrella, Hawaii print board shorts and work boots. The fresh smell of rain, cleaning the dust away. Its Friday! Yay! Sweet messages from friends in my inbox. Thinking about having a rainy BBQ tonight with friends and watching "Yes man". Danny, even though he is not here right now, he can always make me smile. The predictions of hot sunny weather next week. Josh is almost done with the credential program. Thinking about going to Canada in one month time! I found a shorter (or quicker) route into work. Did I mention its Friday!....Have a nice day.

Left or Right

2009-04-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

" When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you, when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy one of Israel your savior"

Isaiah 43:2-3

We have been attending a new church, and love it. A couple of weeks ago the pastor stopped and chatted to us as we came into church. My first random thought was "that's cool", (the last time we spoke to him was a year ago when we were introduced, and he remembered us). Somehow our conversation led to South Africa, and before we knew it he asked if we would be interested in incorporating our trip back there with a missions trip, as they are sending some people back this summer. He gave Josh his e-mail and told us to go pray about it and talk about it and then let him know. We were both very excited about the prospect. We had originally wanted to do a mission trip as part of our trip back to South Africa, and this seemed to have landed in our laps. We talked and prayed.

My prayer went something like this: "I don't know how, or if this will pan out like my deepest desires hope that it will, but what it reminded me of is your faithfulness and provision, always. Lord thank you for the reminder. The reminder that you are faithful, and that when we go to South Africa it is because you provided for us to go." I realized whether this trip happened or not, this would be what I was walking away from it with. An awesome reminder. An awesome promise.

So Josh sent off the e-mail. And then we waited.......and waited. By the following Sunday we still hadn't heard anything. During the sermon my friend Jess wrote me a note saying "Jim didn't get the e-mail". So after church we tracked Jim down to make sure he was aware that we were really interested. Josh gave Jim his number and he told us to think of dates that will work for us, and then he would call later that afternoon before the board meeting to talk more about it. So we figured out the dates that would work, chatted to Jim and then waited....again.....

Monday afternoon Josh got the call.....and..... we are not going. This trip is apparently a scouting trip for the church, and the board felt that the four people already going were enough to scout. However Jim assured us this is not a "no" but a "on pause", if the church decides to get more involved in doing more missions in South Africa, then there would be more trips. And so we are back to our original plan of saving and hoping to go in December.

I was not as bummed as I thought I would be. In fact I felt totally at peace. And when I was puzzling over the whole experience, like why would such an exciting opportunity come along only to immediately fall through. I could say I don't get it.....but I kinda do, cos I am walking away with the knowledge, peace and complete confidence that God is in control, He has a plan, and He IS faithful. And so if the sole purpose of this experience was to remind me of that, then that's worth it to me.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

So our summer plans remain to head up to Canada for a couple of weeks. Our good friends, Jess and Dave may be joining us, with our puppies, Moose and Emmi....watch out Canada!

new and old

2009-04-29T15:51:00.000-07:00

Our new old chairs.

Our new lawn.

2009-04-27T15:26:00.000-07:00

I survived. The morning of, anxiety rolled in and sat like a rock in the bottom of my belly until I arrived at the venue. Once the bride arrived and the day got going I got into the zone.

Now I am exhausted.

I am ready for next weekend already.

shoot.

2009-04-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Josh and I are shooting a wedding. So I dug out an old prayer journal. Almost a year ago I started this previous prayer journal, the day before we shot a wedding. A year ago since we last shot a wedding. A year ago since my tummy was so twisted in knots of anxiety and butterflies. So this year, before this wedding, I anticipate feeling the same knots, but I don't yet, I just have a bad attitude about it (just don't wanna), and I have been feeling heavy since last night, but no anxiety yet. That all might change when we go to the rehearsal tonight to check out the venue.

I thought that in preparation for this wedding I would look up some verses from previous "day before the Shoot" journaling, that I clung to for courage, encouragement and any kind of peace (and calming of nerves) I could get. I figure anxiety or not at this point, I need God to do this no matter what! Without Him I am nothing, with Him I have everything I need. My 'time, talent and treasures' are all His.

So whether I want to do this (wedding shoot) or not, it is an opportunity provided by God, for which I am thankful for, for so many reasons. One reason is that it causes me to reflect on my life and question where my passions and desires lie. For years now I have wondered and wished I had a passion and a desire that would drive me, and for many more years then that I have battled with insecurities and self consciousness. I think I am finally beginning to slowly dig up and discover a passion, and contrary to what some might think it is not pursuing photography professionally at this point. I think there has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders in just admitting that to myself, and being OK with it. Maybe this is the reason I don't feel that anxious yet?

Another reason is that I am thankful for the little bit of extra income it brings in, especially at this time. The third and final reason is that doing these weddings always makes me lean on God more, cling to Him, seek Him out and rely on Him. I WISH I could say this for everyday of my life, and to an extent I can, in that I know and realize I cannot even do my everyday existence without him. But it is different in that when doing a wedding, I physically, spiritually and emotionally cannot go forward without Him. The comfort of my everyday life allows me to move forward by holding onto things other then God, that surround and cushion my existence, like a cup of tea, or friends (both the show and the people in my life), or my husband, or dark chocolate, or a run, or shopping, or.......So I am thankful for the reminder.

These are some of the verses I wrote down a year ago and clung to a year ago. And they speak to me just as strongly and as relevantly as they did last year. How awesome is our God and His word, as relevant today as it was a year ago, and thousands of years ago.

"But he said to me, ' My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness '. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

Proverbs 3:5

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ."

Philippians 4:6-7

"It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord you are safe."

Proverbs 29:25

I LOVE the images of Gods Power resting on me and his Peace guarding me! The seeming contradictions make so much sense.

So here I go, letting the ultimate creator guide me in my creativity......

Lily

2009-04-09T15:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter.

In its time

2009-04-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

Today I was getting myself organised, replying to e-mails I hadn't replied to and other fun stuff. Getting organised is addicting, once you start and feel like you accomplish one thing you want to do more. One of the things on my list was to write about my memories of my wedding day for our photographer, James Moes', blog site. It was fun to think back and remember that special day.

Another thing on my to do list was looking up immigration forms to change my residency status from conditional to permanent. The whole immigration process is so wrapped up in my wedding memories too, so I thought I would post what I wrote for James today. Seemed appropriate......

The memories of my wedding day are so much more then just the one day itself. There was so much leading up to our day that shaped and strengthened our relationship and contributed so intricately to the memories of that special day.

Unlike most people, Josh and I had to conquer the boundaries, known as US immigration before we could have a wedding day. I am still surprised at how easy it is for other people to just get married without the immigration process in the way.

After getting engaged we hoped and prayed to be married 3 months later. It ended up being a nine month, long-distance engagement, with 3 dates set and changed for the wedding. The hardest part about waiting was never having a set goal or date to work towards and wait for, it could have been never ending for all we knew. We clung to this verse: “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Eccl 3:11, and trusted.

Finally we received a letter with an interview date to receive my fiancé visa and our wedding date was set for 2 weeks later, the same day as my parents 29th anniversary, on a beach in California. “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Eccl 3:11

Leading up to our wedding day, California was dreary and rainy. My friends and family who came from Canada joked about the Californian weather. We stocked up on rain ponchos and umbrellas, the rain would not deter our beach wedding.

The morning of our wedding day the Sun broke through the dreariness. We had perfect skies for some great photos. Full sunshine amidst looming clouds.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time” Eccl 3:11

Our wedding day was a simple day on the beach surrounded by a few close friends and family. Getting married on the beach was my only wish and dream for my wedding. And it came true. It truly was a beautiful day not because of months of planning and organizing finally being realized, but in its absolute simplicity and perfect timing. We were finally together forever, no more boundaries separating us. The first day of growing old together. The ocean crashing in our ears reminding us of Gods sovereign power in our lives.

I remember my Dad telling me a funny story as he walked me onto the beach towards my groom. I remember Josh’s smile reserved only for me. The tears and laughter as we exchanged vows.

We ran with the sea gulls, we could have taken flight with them and soared.

dreams of flying

2009-04-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

A friend directed me to this site and I thought I would share the smile too.

http://www.janvonholleben.com/dreams_of_flying.php?n=1

Its raining its pouring

2009-04-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

Reign.

phamily photo

2009-04-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

Manresa Beach California, 5 April 2009.

collecting more memories

2009-04-06T13:43:00.001-07:00

Why do weekends have to end. Amazing Saturday at the beach, the beach we got married on, Manresa Beach California. I didn't want to leave. The weather was perfect. The company was awesome. The day was wonderful. Collecting more memories.

(featuring Ross and Angie Turner all the way from SA. A curious Seagull and a shy pidgeon)

playing catch

2009-04-03T14:31:00.000-07:00

So I want to try and be better at posting on this thing. The whole point for me to start it up was to take the place of my giant general e-mails, and now I don't do either blog or e-mail. For some reason the whole blog thing is intimidating to me, I feel I have to have something profound to say (and to say it well) and I never do. So yesterday I decided I needed to write more, profound or not (well said or not).

So to sum up 2009 so far......busy.

Good busy, but busy none the less. This final semester of Josh's credential program has been the busiest for him, so time together has been scarce which has been hard. I am looking forward to it all being over.

The credential program even encroached on our second year anniversary. We had already decided that we couldn't go away for it, due to finances, and instead wanted to go out to a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. But then Josh had a meeting for his class that was very important, so we had to postpone our date to the next night. We still had an amazing time celebrating our two wonderful years. Josh surprised me, and really did take me to a fancy restaurant. After finding out about the meeting he pretended that we would just go to another restaurant, that I still love but it wasn't super fancy or anything. I was OK with that. Little did I know that he had already booked the fancy one....and had to get me to dress nicer without giving it away....cute boy.

This is turning into the year of visitors for us. We are loving it, and what a blessing to have the house and a spare room. First was my family over Christmas (hence the hectic two week rush to get things ready for them), then at the end of February we had Dans best friend Pierre come stay for a weekend with his girlfriend and her best friend, who they were dropping off at the San Fransisco airport to continue her world travels (her next stop was the Cook Islands....jealous!). So they "flew" through, driving up through the Thursday night and leaving the Sunday Morning. We had a lot of fun and laughter with all of them.

Then my Mom came to stay for a few days with a good friend of hers from work. Their main mission and goal was to help us tackle our yard, which had been a landscape of weeds. Their other mission was to relax....which apparently gardening is that for them? So the Saturday before they arrived we spent the day doing the back-breaking work of pulling all the weeds out of the beds. I don't remember ever being that sore in my life, but it made me feel better that all my Mom had to do was help pick the plants and plant them. The fun stuff. I had go to work unfortunately, but Josh was off on his spring break and was a great helper and driver for them. The yard is on its way to looking lovely, I am excited about all the plants we have put in, mainly roses....can't wait to see how it all looks in a few months, and hoping I don't kill them in the mean time.....

On the Wednesday we got up at 1am to take my Mom to the airport to catch her 6am flight! And then continued up to Canada to surprise Dan and see him in his play, which may be the final play he is in at Trinity. We were there for 3 wonderful, short days then drove home again bringing with us Ross and Ang Turner, friends of mine from South Africa. They are now staying with us for 2 weeks before they continue on their American Adventure. During the day while we are working they have been exploring Modesto and seeing its "sights"....which are few and far between. Mostly they are getting to do life with us and then on the weekends we are going to make up for it and take them to San Fransisco, Santa Cruz, and to Yosemite hopefully.

Then we might have more guests coming from the UK in May and from Canada in August. So much fun!

We are hoping to head back up to Canada this summer, probably the beginning of June for a longer trip to see my family and Dan before he goes to work at Barnabas summer camp this summer. The plan is to stop off in Seattle on the way up for a mini vacation together and to drop off my Canadian Residency card (the end of an era). Then we are hoping and praying to be able to make a trip back to South Africa over December or January. We had originally planned to do it this summer, but buying a house set us back on that a little bit. So depending on Josh's Job situation (due to economic situations here, there are major cuts in schools and mainly the art/music programs so we are still uncertain where and what Josh will be doing next year, but we trust the Lord has a plan, he always does. He is always faithful to provide) we now hope that December will work, we won't be able to come for as long but it will be better weather in SA for us. So we will see.

So that is a bit of a catch up on us at the moment. Busy with life, friends, family, fun, school (not as much fun), the house, yard, our lovely pup, and looking forward to summer and warmer weather.

Now that I am caught up on life ramblings, maybe my next entries will be more profound and interesting......

"Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future" - Proverbs 31:25

2009-04-02T14:50:00.001-07:00

"Embrace the ordinary reality of waking up each morning with a heart refreshed, willing to go where God calls you and do what God requires in the smallest of details"

From an article in the Jan 09 Relevant Magazine about Radicalism

Musings of a Moose

2009-04-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

Meet Moose.

Our beloved addition to our little family.

Moose was sick when he came to us, with kennel cough and then as soon as he got better we whisked him off to be fixed....poor pup.

So far Moose's favorite chew toys are:
my kitchen curtain teddy bears (or anything stuffed, hasn't chewed our pillows yet though) plates the bible electric cords fruit from the fruit bowl

Moose has a best friend, Emmi Blue, she is a couple of months older then him.

One Friday evening our friends Jess and Dave just popped in to say hi, and had brought Emmi, so we let the two pups into the yard for a while. When Jess and Dave were ready to leave, we called the dogs to the back door, and along came two muddy pups. They had found the broken sprinkler head and dug a nice mud bath for themselves. So Dave passed them through the bathroom window to Josh and they got a bath (see photo below). Bet they weren't planning on that for their Friday evening activities.

Moose loves people. And watching out the window.

He loves exploring the great wide world of our back yard. He will stand in the middle of it with his head held high and just let the wind blow all the smells and sounds into his face. He loves this more then playing ball at this point.

He is a good pup.

Endless fun and companionship.

A Happy Christmas

2008-12-30T13:54:00.000-08:00

Our Albany

2008-12-09T13:10:00.000-08:00

So it has been a while since I updated this blog with some interesting news, and in that time interesting news occurred. On the 4th of December 2008 Josh and I received the key to our first house.....and so we enter into the wonderful world of home ownership! (the above picture is of our new little home, the first thing we did was mow the lawn).

We began this little adventure the beginning of October. Josh was on his first two week break (his school has a 2 week break every 10 weeks, its a different schedule to other schools around here) and he decided we would seriously start looking at houses to buy. The housing market here has been dropping fast and low, due to bad loans made over the last few years, and the economy. Not good for sellers, but excellent for first time buyers, like us. So he started looking at a few homes over the next two weeks.

We had seen this little house on a street called Albany a few months ago when we were looking for fun. When Josh went out to "seriously" look (like with an agent and everything) it wasn't on the market anymore. I was kinda bummed, but thought we would probably find something else. It was arranged that one Saturday I would go out and look at houses with our agent to see some of the ones Josh liked and some others we had found online (at this point I hadn't looked at any). The Friday before we were going out, "our" Albany house popped up online again, and so we quickly called our agent to add it to our list of houses for Saturday.

It was the first house we went to look at on Saturday, the moment I stepped inside I felt a peace about it. Josh wasn't sure, as the price was higher then the other homes we were looking at the rest of the day. The reason that it was back up on the market, was the buyers had backed out of their offer. The house was a short sale and banks are known to sit on offers for up to two months on short sale homes. The bank had come back and accepted their offer but had taken so long that the buyers had backed out. So if we put in the same offer it would be accepted immediately and we wouldn't have to go through the usual short sale long wait. After looking at all the other houses, we came back to Albany and took one more look. Then we sat in the car and chatted and prayed about it. At this point, after Josh saw the state of the other homes that were less then Albany, we both had complete peace and so we put in the offer. All very exciting. Got out the inspector and the appraiser.....and stop.

The house got appraised at much less then the asking price and our offered price, which meant if the bank didn't move on the price we couldn't get a loan for a house that was valued at less. And so we waited, patiently. The whole time we both felt this cool peace.

In the meantime Josh's Dad kept looking online for homes. He found a darling house in an OK neighbourhood for much less. Seemed perfect. Problem was our agent was out of town that week. So she set us up with another agent in her office to take us to look at it. I felt very anxious for two days. It was horrible. I thought I was anxious cos I was excited about it and wanted to see it so bad and have it. We had found out that there was already an offer in on it that was "substantially higher then the asking price". Finally we got an appointment to see it on the Tuesday. As Josh and I were on our way to see it the other agent called us and said that they were not accepting anymore offers. They already had six "substantially higher" offers, which is amazing for a short sale that had only been on the market for 4 days. So we pulled a u-ey and headed home. My thought to myself was " hmm thought I would be more disappointed" but I wasn't, in fact that peace came back.

A week later we heard that the bank had accepted the lower offer. So finally after a lot of paper signing and a tight deadline to close, we got the keys. Now its non stop work getting it ready to move in the weekend before my family arrive for Christmas. And we love it. Very excited and thankful for our first little home.

2008-11-19T15:18:00.000-08:00

"...sometimes when you need to feel the all-embracing nature of God, paradoxically you need to hang out in ordinariness, in daily routine and comfort"

Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies (p167)

Under Construction

2008-10-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

For the past few weeks "they" have been doing road construction outside my office. Inbetween answering the telephone and browsing the internet, I now have live entertainment right outside my window with bulldozers and neon cones.
Subsequently I have been thinking alot about construction as an analogy for my life. In general most people find road constrauction a pain in the behind. It is inconvenient, annoying, messy, it causes traffic jams, alternative (longer routes), which means we have to change our schedules, leave early, find a new route, or be more patient. At the same time, people don't like roads that are in bad condition, but in order to make the roads better we need the construction. A conundrum.
As a person I want to grow and change and become a better person, the person I was created to be, especially in my faith. In order for change to occur I need to go under construction, and its going to be inconvenient, annoying, messy, uncomfortable, painful, its going to require change, and patience. There is no alternative route, cos somewhere along that route I will run into another construction sign, and line up of neon cones. So there is only one thing to do, slow down to the 35mile construction speed and learn, grow, change, get messy, get annoyed, get real, and become who I was meant to be, created in Gods image with a purpose far greater then my own dreams or desires!

snap shot

2008-10-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

A couple of recent pictures of us.....

I realised the other day that we don't have many pictures of us together...So we recruited Josh's sister, Lisa, to be our photographer for a couple of shots. The first one I put here cos it cracks me up.....Sometimes (most times) Josh forgets to smile his great smile....anyway...it reminds me of that painting of the farmer and his wife with a pitchfork...ha ha....

US in the US

Grant Wood, 1930: American Gothic

Neon signs

2008-10-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

I live in Modesto California. When Josh and I were dating I thought it an awesome thing that he was from California. I remember a conversation we had once, when we were first dating, about his home. He told me that Modesto means "modest" in Spanish, that should have been a clue. When we got engaged it was a relatively easy decision that I would move to California, as Josh was already settled there, and I was still getting settled in Canada (it made sense at the time anyway).
Now, I know when one says California, a whole number of hot, sunny, beachy, surfy, hollywoody images come to mind. Although Modesto is definitely hot and sunny for most of the year it lives up to its modest name. For the most part I have been very happy living here with Josh. Then there are odd days when I feel completely antsy and discontent. I feel I live in the middle of nowhere. Modesto is close to San Francisco, by 2 hours drive and the beach by 2 and a half hours drive. Not close enough to spontaneously jump in the car for a quick trip out of the valley. It always has to be a planned day trip.
So I live in California, in Modesto, which is like dangling a treat just out of reach of your dog. At least that is how I feel on those days. Last Friday I had one of those days. I suppose the whole process of buying a house has been somewhat overwhelming to me as I see my roots growing deeper and deeper into Modesto soil, and the word settled comes to mind. That's when I get freaked out, like I did last Friday.
I am not a great adventurer, or traveler, by any means, I have just (compared to some people) moved around alot in my life. Even when I lived in South Africa for 18 years of my life my parents were constantly talking about moving somewhere else. For me to say I will live anywhere forever is a hard thing to say, I cannot say it cos I don't believe it. Life can change in an instant, or in a couple of years, you just don't know. All I know is that I want to be where God wants me.
Part of my issue on Friday is that I feel like God wants me here right now, but then I am like "why can't I have a cool adventure in a cool place God? why do I have to be stuck in this valley?". I was chatting to a wonderful Mentor of mine who is currently a missionary in South Africa but lived in Modesto before that. She struggled with the same feelings about Modesto, as have a few other "imports" (as they call non-modesto-ites here, let me just add that Modesto roots run deep!! like generations and generations deep) I have met and become friends with. I said to her that maybe God likes to use Modesto to teach people about contentment. There is this sign downtown Modesto that Josh reminded me of when I shared this conversation with him. (sign shown above and on the right) I have always thought it is the most random sign/motto for a place, I always puzzled over it when we drove past it. Now it makes the most perfect sense. We had a good laugh about it. It truly is a place that teaches contentment. God has a great sense of humour, and he gave me a sign, a real sign...ha ha.....
So I live in Modesto California, and I am learning about contentment. After struggling through these thoughts last Friday, I love the lesson I have come away with. My main subject in my art recently has been about simplicity and finding it in my life. I had these ideal images of simplicity being set by a beautiful beach or on a mountain top. But God has showed me that, right now, simplicity in my life is right here in this Californian, farming valley, a city called Modesto, which literally means modest. How perfect. As my mentor from South Africa reminded me, alot of our life is lived in the valley and not on the Mountaintop, its down in the valley where God meets us, teaches us, carries us, shows us cool lessons, and even bright orange neon signs....all I have to do is stop scuffing my feet in the dust and look up, take notice of the awesome things God is doing in my life. The simple beautiful things he has blessed me with, the things he is showing me. I am happy, I am excited for this adventure I am on with him right here in Modesto.

Catching up

2008-10-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

I have been terrible at writing the last while

Life has been busy but I haven't seemed to have much to say about it.

Its been good. Its been blessed.

I am thankful.

Thankful for Josh, for friends, our small group, art, art shows, photography, family, tea, jamba juice, birthdays, celebrations, surprises, trips to Canada, houses, sunglasses, boots, books, soup, flowers, music, sunshine, blankets, hugs, beautiful views, and most of all thankful for my God, for the lessons he is teaching me, and the things he is showing me, and for his love. There is always His Love.

This time pictures say it best......

We were both a part of an art show held at a local Christian book store...The Art we are standing in front of isn't ours, its by an artist called Phil Baker.... the trike is part of one of my pieces...

Both of us turned 26....

Birthday trip to the hills and Birthday sights......I only let it be fall after my Birthday.....

Surprising Dan for his 21st Birthday (a weekend home in Canada)...

Dan's giant 21st Key...

a city Visit (Vancouver).... photos by Dan

Our Friends band's (Colour) EP release and Nephews 15th Birthday

Its getting a bit colder (boot weahter) and a bit darker (lights are needed) here in California.....winter is slowly setting in behind the dust of the harvested almond orchards....

And in other news......

We are hoping to buy a HOUSE!!! Well actually we are currently in the process of buying one. What I mean is that we have offered on a house and the offer has been accepted, and we have had our inspections etc, BUT it has been appraised at a lower price then the offered amount/asking amount....so we are in a place of waiting....once again....waiting to see if the bank will lower its pirce....if it does....we have a house!!! If it doesn't we walk away, and keep looking, and saving, and living in our lovely cottage :o)....

So we are just praying Gods will for that situation.....

Nostalgic for Africa

2008-08-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

This morning I was just going about my daily routine of getting ready for work, taking out the trash, watering the flowers, locking up the cottage, when I heard a dove coo. That single sound crumbled my insides and made me so homesick for South Africa. That is one of the sounds of Africa for me, and here it was taunting me from its perch in little Ripon town, California. I was just minding my own business, doing my life, here, in California, and then Africa calls and tugs at my heart again. Its left me in a state of nostalgia, random images and memories of "my" Africa keep popping into my mind. Sometimes it feels so far way, physically and "emotionally", and then a single coo can bring it back in an instant colliding into my new life here, I still feel far away, that truth is just more present in my mind. I am all too aware of the part of me that is missing because I left it behind in Africa, where it will probably always remain, a part of me apart from me.

Joy Full

2008-08-13T15:20:00.000-07:00

The summer holidays are quickly coming to an end. Back to school is in every store. Makes me think of the CNA advertisments in South Africa (CNA was a stationary store), after the Christmas/summer break (both one and the same), the jingle haunted and taunted every school child as it rang in their ears "back to school, back to reality"...shiver.....

The beginning of this summer season we were clueless as to what this next year would look like. We knew Josh was doing his teachers credential, but we didn't know if he would be in the internship program (therefore have a paid teaching position as well as getting his credential) or in the regular student teacher program (in the schools every day but not paid, and have other classes too). Josh took some summer courses online so that he would be "intern ready", so that if a position opened up and they were willing to hire an intern then he would be "ready". At the same time we were trying to prepare ourselves for the alternative, and be "ready" for that. Either direction is going to be hard for us, Josh will be busy with school and school. But in terms of finances the two options are opposite extremes! With the student teaching program I would be the sole breadwinner, my earnings only just covering our bills. With the internship we will be better off then we have ever been. For the last three months we have been living out the phrase "hoping for the best, expect the worst". I utterly trust God in whichever direction he wants to take us.

When I first thought about this year and our potentially very tight budget, I had a really hard time with it, one reason was because we weren't going to be able to see coldplay!! (how silly is that!). The fact that I had a hard time with it distressed me even more. I wanted to have a good attitude. God really challenged me on my attitude that evening (this was before our trip to Canada). I retreated upstairs to my bed (my favorite place to read my bible and spend time with God). Every verse I read was about being tested and considering our trials and suffering as joy. The more I read the more the weight lifted off my shoulders and my attitude changed. I literally came downstairs a changed person. I was actually excited for this potentially hard year. I was excited for what God wanted to show and teach us through it all, that he wanted to refine me and work on my heart. That he wanted me to learn to be content. That it would make our marriage stronger in Him. I had peace. Even though it is all still very much up in the air, I had peace, confidence, that whatever happens, we are loved by an awesome, and faithful God who is our provider. YAY!

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

This time last week we had resolved ourselves to the fact that Josh would be going into Student teaching as nothing had come of any of the jobs he had applied for. So Josh signed up online for classes and went to Starbucks to pick up an application (we thought a Starbucks job, would work well with his school schedule and bring a little bit in to help financially), he ended up having an interview at Starbucks. Later that evening Josh's dad called saying that one of the schools had called back. Josh had an interview on Friday......

Yesterday they called and he got the job!

It was like a weight lifted off both of us in that moment, a weight I don't think we were fully aware of, it was almost unreal. I have always loved the saying " peace is joy at rest and joy is peace dancing", demonstrating how the two go hand in hand....well I am definitely dancing!! What a faithful God we serve, our awesome provider!!! This year is going to be tough, and God knew this and lifted some of the weight by providing for us in a big way. Just like Him and his perfect timing to be last minute!! Ha ha!

Happy Birthday Chris

2008-08-11T10:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my brother Chris's Birthday. He would have been 23 years old. This is one of the last photographs we have of him. He died suddenly at age 12 from Meningitis. I miss him. I find it interesting that around the anniversary of his birth and his death I start having alot of memories and thoughts about him, even 11 years later. Usually there is a day or two around these times where I feel sad, and it takes me a while to realise why. Yesterday was one of those sad days. I woke up at 6:30am and my first thought was that it was Chris's Birthday so I whispered a Happy Birthday wish into the early morning air and then fell back to sleep. When I awoke again at 9:30 I forgot about it. I got up and had a hard time finding anything to wear to church, that we were already late for, this invariably was a steep slope to feeling sad and frustrated for me. So Josh suggested I stay home, I did, and easily persuaded him to stay too. It was only then that I realised again what day it was. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by how much I miss him. I miss not knowing who he would be today. What he would look like and be like. Then I thought about where he is, I smiled at Josh through my tears and said "I bet he is having the best party ever!". I am so thankful for Chris, although his life was short, I am so thankful I was one of the privileged ones to not only share life with him and to know him, but also to be his sister. We started a tradition to have Hawaiian pizza on his anniversary's each year. His first birthday after he died, we wanted to do something fun to remember him, so we joked that we should have a sleep over with his Friends, watch The Mask (his favorite movie) and eat Hawaiian Pizza...we never had a sleep over but the Pizza stuck, and sometimes we watch a Jim Carey movie. We didn't have a pizza yesterday (we are on a strict budget) but Josh blessed me by making miniature pizza's with crackers and cheese and other interesting things from our fridge, baked in the oven. It meant alot to me. I look forward to the day that I can introduce them one day in heaven. Until then I have plenty of great memories to share about a special boy who has touched and changed my life for ever.
Happy Birthday Chris!

My Gentleman

2008-08-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

Off to an interview....I had to document my dressed up gentleman....Oh how I love him.

run

2008-08-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

This was what the sky looked like when I went for my run yesturday morning. I took this photo with a disposable camera that got wet when we went rafting down the river last weekend. This is why I love running in the mornings.

Due to the hot temperatures that come with summertime here I started going for my run in the mornings before work. I love running in the morning. It's tough rolling out of bed and making myself go. There have been a couple of mornings where I have let Josh (too easily) pursuade me not to go. And then I regret it when I try and run in the afternoon heat. But mostly I have mastered the technique of not thinking about it too much. I robotically climb out of bed and into my running clothes, eat a trusty banana, stretch a little and head out, by myself. Josh does not enjoy running in the mornings so its just me and my thoughts.

I love these mornings, before the world wakes up. Its so still and quiet. The only sounds are the birds cheering me on, the sprinklers spinning, my feet methodically hitting the road and my prayers silently spoken and lifted to God. Although I miss running with Josh, I have come to treasure these times by myself, the time with God.

Meeting at the shack

2008-07-31T15:09:00.000-07:00

"We live in a world where ‘normal’ does not truly exist except as an idea or concept. For each of us, where and how we grew up plays a foundational role in our sense of ‘normal’, and only when we begin to experience the ‘bigness and diversity’ of the world are we tempted to evaluate our roots. I thought the way I grew up was ‘normal’ but I think most would probably agree that my history and journey have been a bit unusual." - William Young, author of The Shack

I have been reading a book called The Shack, and so far have loved it and the way it is making me think about Gods love and his relationship with me, with us. I just Googled the book to see what would come up about it, (things I do to keep myself occupied at work when the phone isn't ringing) and this was a quote I found from the author in talking about his personal journey. I love it, it echoes some of the thoughts and feelings I have had, and have, about this big world we live in and my journey in it. I am thankful for talented writers and authors that can put my thoughts and feelings into words more eloquently then I can. It helps me communicate at times like this when I feel at a loss of words or pictures or any sort of communication skill. When I lack the ability to sort through my web of thoughts and come up with something coherent to share.

So that's just a little bit of sharing (via William Young), something to think about, and if you want more, I recommend reading The Shack.

blooming

2008-07-24T09:47:00.001-07:00

My Mom loves to garden. I on the other hand am a disaster when it comes to gardening. I managed to kill a fern I had at university, several times over. I bought a fern (well my Mom bought it for me for my dorm room) because it is apparently a more durable plant so would withstand ...me. Every holiday that I went home I would give it to a friend to look after, and when I came back it looked much happier, so eventually I just gave it to her, she called it Vern the Fern.

After we were married, and living in our little apartment in Modesto, I would occupy myself most days by wondering down to the nearest Starbucks and grocery store. One day I purchased a potted rose plant. Looked ever so pretty on our table, for like a week. Then it started to droop. In a desperate attempt to save it, I researched online a bit and then placed it in our bedroom window so that it could lap up some sunlight. It looked happier, and much to my delight even got a new bud on it. I am proud to say it came with us when we lived at Josh's parents house. It sat in the kitchen garden window and was ever so happy. I forgot about it mostly, it was Mary that loved and cared for it. Then it moved to the cottage, and it was downhill from there, not even sitting in my window cheered it up. So eventually one day I decided to give up and retire it to the garbage. On the way to the bin my wonderful landlady, Kristy, stopped me and rescued it from my defeated clutches......she is an amazing gardener, her yard always looks so lovely. My little rose plant is now sitting happy and healthy on her porch, I dare not ask for it back due to the implications it might have on its life.

So why am I writing all this.....Well Josh is not the biggest flower buyer, which is OK, makes it even more extra special when he does buy me flowers. But recently he has bought me a couple of potted flowers, (well one he bought, the other he was given and then came to work and gave it to me ). I got a Calla lily (my favorite), which we planted in Kristy's garden. And a Gerbra daisy (so happy), which brings me to the point of this blog. Please see photo above....Its blooming!!! Two big beautiful red blooms. I am so excited. It makes me happy every time I walk out my door. However I can't take all the credit as I left it with Kristy when we went to Canada, but since we have been home I have remembered to water it (that's big) and I even took all its dead leaves off. When we first got back there were no blooms and now look. I am so proud, I had to share it. Maybe I still have a chance for a green thumb.

Picture this

2008-07-23T15:26:00.000-07:00

Blue A heart for PBJ US Swimming Mom visit The moustache Play Draw Yam Fries Art

Coldplaying

2008-07-23T15:00:00.001-07:00

connect the dots

2008-07-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

We have been back from Canada for a week and a half, (Dan drove back down with us).

In that time:

-I went back to work,

-my Mom arrived for a visit,

-we went to the beach followed by a Coldplay concert (my favorite),

-Josh started another class for his credential program

-we went to the late night show of Batman, it was both tragic and brilliant at the same time

-and Josh left for Hume Lake (a big Christian Camp here in California) with the high school group and a bag of homework.

I have been feeling very disconnected from things and God the past few weeks. Even though I am home again, it feels more like an extended holiday with my family here, only I have to work, and for whatever reason that has made me feel disconnected from...things....I am not sure what I am thinking about right now, or what is on my heart...probably my disconnectedness. I am missing Josh like crazy, its good I am thankful for that, but its weird. Even though my family is here and have been a fun distraction, there is always something missing.I am very excited for Saturday and his return, and looking forward to some time together again, been tough to get that the last 5 weeks. So other then all these words I have just rambled off, I don't have any other words to share about life, other then I am dreading Sunday when I actually have to say goodbye to my family for another 5 months probably. They always leave a big hole behind, especially Danny. So instead of words, here are some pictures - I am beginning to think maybe I speak better (more eloquently, as I wish I could write) through pictures - of life the last little while......

Oh Canada

2008-07-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

Since we have been here we have put in alot of wood floors. Well Josh and Dan have done it mostly, but I have helped a little here in there, scraped this, put that board in there, moved furniture here, fed them, cleaned up after them and just genereally being moral support. By Friday last week I was feeling a bit stir crazy and bored and antsy to do something else, I saw the holiday floating away, with me waiting around and watching the boys place wood planks in my parents home. But we took this weekend off and had some fun. So this week I have a fresh attitude about it all.

Last Sunday, a couple of days after we arrived, we drove up to Kelowna (3 hours away from my house) to stay with one of my good friends, Nic (a friend from preschool in South Africa) and her husband Steve. They moved to Kelowna after they were married and I hadn't seen their house yet. We spent Sunday evening on the Beach (Lake) watching kite boarders flit around, and eating a variation of a hamburger, the ketchup (which was forgotten at home) was replaced with salsa. We got creative and used what we had. Then as the sun started to go down at like 9:30/10:00 we went home and watched a movie (Gone Baby Gone). Monday Steve went to work (he is an engineer), Josh stayed at the house to do his homework, so Nic and I went out to play.....well we found a winery and had a lovely lunch then lay in the sun and chatted the afternoon away. It was a special and realxing time in pretty Kelowna. Then after dinner (perogies!) we headed back to Vancouver, well Langley to be specific.

The rest of the week was spent flooring, as I mentioned before. Getting high on the glue, and living around the chaotic scattered furniture design.

On Saturday we joined the de Fleuriots (Nics family) at Grouse mountain, (a local mountain, where I learnt to snowboard), and we did the "Grouse Grind". Well part of the group did the "Grind" the other half went up in the gondala. The "Grind"' is a steep climb all the way up, no progression, just up all the way, and it is about an hours climb at a consistent pace. I ended up being the only girl in the climbing group (and second to reach the top, behind Josh, just had to boast a little.....we didn't do it in a fast time or anything, but still....). Dan and his best friend Pierre (de Fleuriot) showed up in short shorts, vests, head attire (Pierre with head band and Dan with Clown hair, other then his own) and ski poles. Always the entertainers.

Once the whole party had reached the top, we went to find a picnic spot, on the way we took a detour on one of the chair lifts and got the most incredible view of Vancouver. By the time we got back, the "Lumber Jack" show was about to begin, so we had lunch on the way (fast food I call it) to the show. The "Moms" were positioned on the grass creating the sandwiches, we grabbed and ran to the show. Saturday was one of the first hot summer days here. The show was out doors in the blasting heat. Some of the other kids had lathered tanning oil on their bodies, and were quickely turning a shade of pink ,as we watched the amazing lumber Jacks goof around and do awesome stunts. After the show it was decided that maybe some sunscreen would be a good idea......Then we went to see the two orphened bears they have on top of Grouse. They stood about 4 feet away behind the fence eating (something on the ground, looked like stones to me??) and completely oblivious to the crowds and flashes surroundig them. Then we went back down on the gondala tired and ready for a shower. It was a fun day. I slept well that night.

Sunday we just relaxed at home after church and then went to the Drive-in Sunday night with some of Dan's friends. We watched Wal.E, which was a sweet movie. Then Narnia, which was.....loooong. Well for the second movie at a Drive-in, it was a long movie, I slept through some and still thought it was long. Our battery died part way through, probably with an hour left of the show, or at least it felt like an hour. I will have to watch it again when I am not so tired. Before the movie even ended Dan's friends drove off, with Dan in the car, leaving us stranded with no battery, luckily we were at a Drive-in, and they think about these things, a kind man came and got us rolling again. So at 2:40 we left to go home. Way too late for the floor installers :o)

Today is Canada day. We went with some good friends (Josh's roomate and his wife) to a strawberry farm to have a pancake breakfast and pick strawberries. It was so much fun. We now have piles of beautiful juicy stawberries to figure out creative and yummy ways to devour.

Now the flooring continues, I think we are close, we are going to run out of glue before we can finish, and everything is closed on Canada day......Tonight we are having a steak dinner and going to see Hancock, Dan bought tickets for us already to make sure we will get in. Happy Canada Day everybody!

And thats the way the cookie crumbles.

P.S we ran out of glue....we have one more room to go. Tommorrow is a new day!

Due North

2008-06-21T14:47:00.000-07:00

These are some journal entries from our road trip up to Canada from California, I wrote them along the way, and transferred them into my blog once we reached Canada (that's why the dates are all off). Danny changed his flight to come home early from England and joined us on the drive up....Josh picked him up from the airport Wednesday afternoon, and we left Thursday morning.

June 18th and 19th:

After work I came home and gave our cottage a good clean. Then cleaned myself up and waited for the boys to arrive back from the airport. in due time they did, and I was greeted at the door by my woolly haired brother. His hair had grown long and blond and framed his face perfectly. Without even sitting down and catching up, we grabbed our long boards and headed out to meet the Kings around the corner (at the Reynolds, friends of theirs who were out of town) for Strawberry shortcake, and a chance for them to see Dan Boy again. After Dan had caught them up on his travels and we had suitably traumatized Baxter, the dog (a Rhodesian ridge back), we headed home to stuff our golf until it was bulging. Eventually we crawled into bed at 11:30pm, only to wake up again at 3:00am. Josh was surprisingly awake and chipper, ready to hit the road, with dune quading clear in his sights. So Dan and I dragged ourselves and our droopy eyes out into the dark morning and squeezed ourselves into our car positions. Luckily before leaving the cottage, Josh remembered our passports, something that had completely slipped both of our minds. I sent a silent prayer up, thankful for the reminder. What a disaster that would have been! And so we hit the early morning road with the brand new Coldplay (Viva la Vida) blaring for the first time (Josh surprised me and bought it the day before our anticipated road trip and hid it in my purse for me to find).

So far we have seen a number of different beautiful sights. One being the full moon guiding us along even as the sun rose to our right, painting the sky in brilliant colours. Around 6:30am, much to our delight (and need), we we sighted a Starbucks. We purchased some much needed coffee for our driver, a Caramel Macciato "BREVE" for the Dan boy, who had been deprived of this concoction for three months, and my regular old Tea Misto, as well as a couple of lemon "Pepper" seed scones (as Dan called them). The next amazing sight we saw, and it was only a glimpse, a flash, that all three off us saw, was a hawk rise above the road to our left with a snake in its beak. If only my hands were as quick to pick up the camera as my eyes are to focus. Although, thinking back I don't think my eyes even had time to focus properly, but I saw it. The coastal drive takes you through a redwood forest, with beautiful trees towering over us. Reminded me of the Knysna forest in South Africa, and I thought about the lone elephant that was thought to still be roaming around in it. Then we glimpsed the rocky coastline, stretching out, waves lapping and splashing the grey shoreline. One rock looked like the profile of a head, a face, wearing a hoodie. I swear it looked like it had been carved by someone, a surfer mount Rushmore...ha! wouldn't that be awesome!!

And so we continue our journey due north, looking forward to our dune adventure. Listening to Coldplay over and over again, excited to be heading towards Canadian soil again, and to get out of the cramped car.

We twist, we wind, we chatter, gasp and snap (the camera), we eat delicious monster cookies -fast becoming monster crumbs (thanks Jeanette!!), we are travelers.

Later that evening.....

Well it is now 8:35pm. We are snuggled inside our tent. All 3 of us on one Queen air mattress. Danny (with Jet lag) is fast asleep already, snoring ever so quietly, wrapped up in my red mummy sleeping bag, its a hoodie sleeping bag. On my other side is my husband, dozing gently, sleepy after driving all day, both on the 101 and the sand dunes. Then there is me, piggy in the middle, wide awake but warm. It is still light out (hence why I can still write) and I suspect it will take me a little while to fall asleep, even though I only had 3 hours of sleep last night, a long drive and a fun day. I am awake and wired right now. The original plan was to watch a DVD on the lap top (an episode of lost) to make it a bit later. But the DVD wouldn't play, so after a round of minesweeper each (we all lost), the boys rolled over into dream land leaving me to entertain myself. Writing always helps. Its a good way to process the day, leaves less whirring and buzzing in my head.

Well we finally arrived in Winchester Bay, Oregon, at 3:00pm, a couple of hours earlier then what was predicted by our driver. So we headed straight to our campground, figured out the self-service check-in (eventually) and set up our tent and mattress, ready for us to crawl into later. Then we made out way to the ATV rental store, where we signed our life away for 3 250cc quads, 3 helmets and 3 goggles. At this point my tummy was doing a few twists and turns. I have driven a motor bike only once in my life. My friends brother taught me on one of their family vacations I had joined them on. However I don't think I was ever on the bike by myself......

These quads looked enormous to me. Even though the kid helping us kept saying that they weren't powerful to go up this hill or that one, to me they looked powerful enough to climb Everest. I feared my life just imagining myself on it (I trust other people driving more then I do myself in these situations). As for all the gadgets and throttles he casually pointed out to us, you know "easy stuff", lit left my mind boggled and slightly panicked. Josh kept smiling at me reassuringly, "you'll be fine", he kept saying. Sure thing, I'll be fine, just as soon as someone gives me a lesson on how to ride the ridiculous red machine. Nope, it never happened, instead the kid stood and waited expectantly for us to climb on and go so that the could start the clock. So we donned our helmets and goggles. Well at least I looked the part now, and my fear was contained and hidden behind the star bangled banner helmet. And we climbed onto the beasts. Dan was off. Josh was slowed down a bit because the first quad he tried kept cutting out on him, and oh yes ...his wife was clueless as to how to make the thing go. Throttle and brakes are only words until you show me. I got a brief lesson on how to start and off I went.

I had THE best time ever! It was an amazing experience. It is so incredibly beautiful out in the miles and miles, and piles and piles of sand to play in. Beautiful. It was much quieter then in Pismo, probably because it was a Thursday evening, which I liked. Not as many crazy people to worry about, or rather for them to worry about "Miss amateur".

So I did get stuck. It took all three of us to get me out. My Role in it all (besides getting stuck in the first place) was to push the yellow override button (big, I know!). Immediately following my release, both the boys got stuck, might I add that Josh got stuck in the exact same spot I had been. Its all part of the experience. So we raced around, and up and down, grins permanently pasted to our faces, and sand gritting between our teeth and toes. After getting stuck a couple more times, I discovered and decided that I much preferred the flatter areas with fun small bumps running consecutively, instead of climbing the hills.

I returned with no fear (and finally relate to the logo). I believe my very words were "this is my new favorite thing". We snapped a few shots to capture the memory that will be sand blasted in our minds. Then headed off to find some needed supper. We stopped off at a place called 'Bedrocks Pizzeria', and had the place to ourselves. So we sat by the window letting the sun stream in and warm our chilled fingers (well my chilled fingers). After studying our menu for a few minutes we could not find any pizza's. We doubled checked the sign....."it says Pizzeria???".

Confusion all around. We asked the waitress, and she brought over a separate pizza menu,..." Ah of course! Why didn't we think to ask for the Pizza menu?". We gobbled down a delicious Hawaiian pizza and dinner salad (got our fruit and veg in). Laughed and giggled until our tummies hurt from satisfaction and joy. Then headed back to our tent (after hugging a couple of wood carvings of course!). Where I find myself now, wedged between two of the most important people (and men) in my life.

The light is dimming, and I really should go to the bathroom. One pet peeve with camping is having to go to the loo at night when you are warm and snug in bed already.

This was a great day, this is a great journey. I am so happy. I will sleep with a sandy smile on my face tonight.

June 20th:

After I fell asleep last night I slept well all through the night. Not even Dan's snore (which became a much more pronounced sounding snore) or the crackling fires and chattering campers kept me awake. We all woke up at 5:15am, so I climbed out of the tent and headed towards the bathroom to get ready. We packed up our dew damp tent and our car, and headed off on the second leg of our jounrney, our adventure, with our viva la vida theme music blasting.

Just when I thought it wasn't possible for the drive to get more beautiful, it did. This part of the trip we are passing through one cute beach town after another. In between each town the road winds around the cliffs with the sea to our left. Of course we stopped for a Starbucks breakfast, and at a viewpoint, for a stretch and some photographs. The morning mist hugging the coastline. Well we thought it was morning mist at 6am, now at 10am, we are beginning to think otherwise. We reached Lincoln City, and the promise of outlet stores. As Oregon has no sales tax we were determined. Arriving in the parking lot at 9am we learnt it only opened at 10. So we drove down the road to a little local coffee shop called 'Cyber Gardens & Coffee House 'with WIFI. Which is where I am writing this from, sitting peacefully in this chilled coffee house, chai tea at hand in its colourfully striped mug, hanging out. Josh is doing is school work (oops the battery died on him and he lost his response he just typed, poor guy, second time that has happened to him).

The code to get on their WIFI is 'repletion'. The lady working here gave us a little piece of paper with their code written as follows:

repletion / rih-PLEE-shun / , noun:

1. The condition of being completely filled or supplied.

2. Excessive fullness, as from overeating.

I haven't overeaten, but I feel in a state of repletion, completely fulled and supplied for. At peace. Joyful. Thankful. Content. Excited. I am going home.

Later:

We hit the outlet mall close to 10am (the parking lot was now full), and walked away an hour later with a couple proud purchases. Danny invested in a long board so he could join our long board club. Long boarding around Langley is much different to Modesto as I am going to have to learn how to negotiate hills (eek!).

After spending a chilled 2 hours in Lincoln City, we hit the road again with an estimated 8 hours drive left ahead of us. For lunch we stopped for a snack on the beach in Seaside, a cute little holiday town, much bigger then I had imagined. We headed for the beach, sat on a log, ate some sun chips, apples and granola bars. Then away we went again.

Before hitting the I-5 we stopped for supper at Quizno's and Starbucks. Once we were all fueled up we made the last leg of our journey. That last 3 hour stretch always feels longer then the entire trip. It involved more Coldplay, of course , and chatter.

What would a trip be without a visit to secondary inspection at the border? Ever since December 06, when I was refused entry into the states, my heart goes into a flutter whenever I go through customs. And of course these days, most times I seem to be pulled into Secondary inspection for various random reasons. Which does not help my nerves the next time I am crossing. In the end the reason I was simply because there was a confusion about my residency and I was informed that in the next year I would have to surrender my Canadian Residency if we choose not to live here. The customs officials were very helpful and informative. I am actually thankful I went in, because now I know that I need to do that. I didn't before.

From the border it is a 15-20 minute drive to my house. We devised a plan to drop off Dan at the corner and arrive a few minutes after us. The reason for our sneakiness was due to the possibility that they might know Dan had come home early and was coming with us. We would still surprise them. So Josh and I pulled into my parents steep drive and where met by my Dad. I could tell he looked a little puzzled and was peaking into the car (our new car he hadn't seen yet) for 'Dan evidence'. My Mom was upstairs, so I had to get her down so she would not miss Dan coming in the door. At the same time I had Chester, our dog, excitedly launching himself at me, giving me hugs and licks. He does this thing where he sits on your feet and leans his back against your legs and looks up at you for cuddles. I was so caught up i the "Dan Surprise" that I almost forgot about Chester. He hadn't forgotten me. He was leaping off the stairs, vying for my attention. Ah Chester, how I miss you.

A few minutes later Dan walked in, snapping a photo, blinding us. My parents looked like they were trying to look surprised. But I can read my Dad like a book, and he knew all along, and had apparently told everyone already, much to Dans disappointment (however he did get to surprise his best friend later on). We settled in with cups of tea and chats. Turned out the gas had been turned off, which meant no water, and no BATH!! I was so looking forward to a bath after two days of traveling, the thought kept me going the last stretch.Thankfully the gas man came at 11:30pm (weird) and fixed it for us. I was too tired to bother. My bath this morning was amazing!

Home again. Home again. Jiggidy jog!

Heart and home

2008-06-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

So we are heading up to Canada on Thursday. In some ways I don't feel like it is quite real yet, but I know that if it did feel real I would feel super excited. So I am super excited about it. Every now and then I think about seeing my family, running with Chester, hanging out ,and catching up with friends, and I get a bubble of joy well up inside me. In these moments I stop and realise Canada has become a home.

I say "a" home because I have a couple of places my heart calls home. South Africa obviously being one of them. It was in leaving Canada that I realise I have found home there. And now Modesto, California is where I live and am making a new home with a new family and new friends. Its puzzling however that it is in leaving that I discover the sense or the feeling, or whatever it is that is "home" to me.

Before I left for University, home was home. it wasn't a feeling, maybe it was a place, it wasn't really something I thought about too much. When I said "I am going home" I simply meant, "I am going to my house, the house where I live ,and where my family live". At University (being away from 'home') I discovered at a very simple level that 'house' and 'home' have different meanings, and feelings even.

Moving to Canada turned my world upside down and the meaning and feeling of home became something more real to me. Alot of the time it is a question; "what is home?" or "where is home?". House is a noun, its an object, a thing, something you can build and create out of materials. It protects you from the elements and stores things from your life, other things represneting your memories.

A home, is more. Ideally its where you feel safe, secure, loved, familiar. I don't even know if it is specifically a place, or if it is more people, or a person. If those people were to move, home would then be where they are. Home is the place you miss when you are not there? The place you want to be at Christmas time. Sometimes home to me is my childhood memories. Memories of my brothers and I on the beach playing in the sand, building sandcastles and dreams.

I only truly understood that saying "home is where the heart is" when home stopped being a place. It moved and changed, it stopped being a house, a noun, something I could see or touch and became only something I could feel, and remember. An abstract noun. I looked up what the definition of an abstract noun is (not being the greatest english student, I could not remember it) and the definition I found is "any noun that escapes your five senses". I like that definition. Today home escapes my five senses, I can no longer see it, or smell it, or touch it, or hear it, or taste it. But my five senses help me remember home, smells, sounds and food evoke memories of home. Home is in my heart, its where my heart is. My heart is in South Africa, and Canada and now Modesto. However it would probably only be in leaving Modesto that I would realise my heart had grown roots.

"For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body...." Philippians 3:20

I love the verse Philipians 3:20. As someone who's only citzenship is for a country I lived in for the first 11 months of my life, every other place that I now call home I am only a legal alien of, this verse reminds me that my citzenship is not even on this earth, but in Heaven. Home. My life on earth is but a breath in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe we will never fully understand the abstract concept and feeling of home, and why we miss it even when we are home. I will always rememebr my Mom, if she was having a hard day saying, "I just want to go home". I remember being puzzled as a child by her statement as we clearly were at home. I think I questioned her a couple of times about it. But now I understand that longing inside. Maybe it is a longing we all have, and will always have until we truly are home.

All that being said, we are heading up North to my home and my family, on Thursday the 19th of June for three weeks. We are taking 2 days to drive up along the coast, with a stop in Oregon to go quading in the dunes and camp out for the night. I am looking forward to it.

So I will see some of you soon.

Slow lane

2008-05-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to take the slow lane into work so that I could finish listening to a great song by "Lights". Made me think about how I need to take the slow lane in life more often in order to appreciate the beautiful moments, songs, sights and people I encounter. We always rush here and there. Even on our vacations we rush trying to jam pack the days with events. Quickely capturing the sights with a digital camera. Instant. Immidiate. Now.

During my studies I came across a photographer and artist called Dianne Bos. She photographs using pinhole cameras. She says about her work "My work challenges the view of photography as a way to "capture an instant in time". By using pinhole camera's and long exposure times I record, not an instant, but rather the passage of time." - Dianne Bos. Using a pinhole camera forces you to sit still in a place for 3 minutes or more (depending on the exposure time), allowing time to take it in. Its not a simple "snap" and off to the next exciting thing, to be more closely looked at on the computer screen, or the print we make once we are back home.

I love the idea of being still amidst the rush that is life today. We are called to "Be still and know that I am GOD" - Psalm 46:10. In order to know God we need to be still. How hard is that? Hard. Personally I can quite easily sit still for a long time, but that is only part of it. Now, trying to still my mind and my thoughts is quite another story. It is constantly going, whirring and buzzing, and to be honest most of the time its not a very constructive, profound or life changing buzz. Just rambling in my head. Most think I am a quiet person, take a step inside my head and you will be deafened. On the inside I am an extrovert, on the outside, an introvert.

Despite the fact that we have just invested in a lovely new digital camera, I think I need to pick up my pinhole camera again and learn to be still. Learn to drive slower, look longer, love louder, speak less and listen more. A wise woman once told me (when I was learning to drive) that it is harder to drive slow then to drive fast. I'm up for the challenge. I am going to finish listening to great songs more often.

http://www.diannebos.com/

2008-05-20T14:03:00.000-07:00

New purchases of late: We invested in a Nikon D80 Camera, we Love it, shot a wedding on it a couple of weeks ago, and with the help of our friends awesome lens's we borrowed, I think we got some great shots. This past weekend we also happened to trade in the truck and get a golf (called a "golf four" in SA?). It was quite by chance. We had actually decided not to sell the truck anymore (took down the 'For Sale' sign and everything) and wait until Josh is in a more permanent Job...and then last week Josh saw the Golf. We got an AMAZING deal on it and we love it! My dream car. A long board. We now have 2 and love going for a long board in the evenings or have a long board double date with friends. Josh has also purchased himself a table saw (it arrived yesturday...he is incredibly excited). It will be put to use to build his Dad some cabinets in the garage and to possibly put floors in my parents house.

Climate: Its hot....I both love and dislike it at the same time. Love the heat, love the sun. But heat in the 100's gets to be a bit too much heat. Especially in our little cottage that has no air conditioning and a loft bedroom.....But as I said I love it too....

Recent Events and Gatherings: Our Nephew Luke turned seven. We attended the BBQ celebration. Mothers Day. We gathered again at Lisa's (Josh's sister) for a BBQ followed by a family game of Baseball.... I told them next time we were playing cricket.

Things we are looking forward to: A camping trip to Pizmo (Southern California) this weekend, with Josh's sisters family, for memorial day weekend. Cannot wait to be at the sea! Our trip up to Canada in June/July. We are heading North for 3 whole weeks. We are planning to head up the coast line and camp overnight in Oregon somewhere and maybe even go quad biking in the dunes on our way up.

Things I am thankful for: Josh. My family. The friendships we have made here in California. Our little red cottage. Our car. Life lessons. My job and the people I work for. Opportunities to photograph a couple of weddings. Summer. Sunglasses. Books. Pineapples. Chai tea with vanilla creamer in. My new great big handbag that can fit everything inside of it. Early morning (5:30am) runs. My health. Birds, espeically singing in the morning, cheering me on as I run. That I grew up in South Africa. That I am Loved by an incredible and awesome God and that he has a greater plan for my life then I could even imagine.

Things I miss: Danny. My parents. Familiarity. South Africa. Skye (my border collie from SA). Friends. Plettenburg Bay holidays. Playing Cricket. Perppermint Crisp.

Things that break my heart: The xenophobic violence occuring in South Africa right now. All the people who are hurting after the losses in world catastrophies that have recently occured. The fact that these things don't break my heart more.

New Soul

2008-05-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Yael Naim - New Soul lyrics

I'm a new soul

I came to this strange world

Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take

But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear

Finding myself making every possible mistake

La, la, la, la (21x)

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world

Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake

But why all this hate? try to communicate

Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

La, la, la, la (21x)

This is a happy end Cause you don't understand

Everything you have done

Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end

Come and give me your hand

I'll take you far away

I'm a new soul

I came to this strange world

Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take

But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear

Finding myself making every possible mistake

The strength to be weak

2008-05-20T09:24:00.000-07:00

So what was meant to be a way and a means to cut down on my "epic" general e-mails has not been too successful. To be honest I have felt really intimidated to write in a blog....Like I have to write really well, or have profound thoughts or something. And so since the last time I posted (March 6th, I think) I have written nothing, neither an "epic" general e-mail nor one Blog entry. And so I sit with a full head, not knowing where to begin or what to say. But today I am determined to write something. Anything.....

This amazing woman I barely know, moved from Modesto to South Africa with her family as missionaries. Although we never had coffee or met up before she left, we have been e-mailing back and forth for the last 6 or so months that she has been there. We share our similar feelings and struggles with moving to new countries and cultures, each others countries and cultures. She writes a blog regularly. She writes beautifully, eloquently and humorously. I wait a few weeks to catch up on her blog so I have more to read. Sometimes I sit here at work and giggle while I read. Other times I cry, her words echoing the ache deep inside me. Usually, after reading her beautiful blogs, I feel less likely to write my own, I am not nearly as eloquent of a writer as she is . But today I was inspired after catching up on her blog to re-visit mine and write.

So...as I used to begin most of my e-mails...since I last wrote...:o)

Josh and I went with our churches high school group to Mexico over Easter.

Before I left for Mexico I had been seeing a counsellor and she had asked me, for homework, to write about 2 Corinthians 12:9

‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness”.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my
weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may
rest upon me’

So this is a part of what I wrote for her immediately following the trip to Mexico....

The strength to be weak.

I decided last minute to go to Mexico. Josh really wanted to go. I wasn’t sure I could get off work and I was doing a Beth Moore bible Study the same night as Mexico training. Finally I decided to go. Initially I wanted to continue my bible study and just go and help where ever I was needed. There where 2 weeks that the bible study didn’t happen, so I went along to Mexico training. Turns out the lady that was leading the lunch and service team (Slunch) was ill those two evenings so I was asked to lead. On the surface I calmly agreed , “sure thing, yeah sure”. On the inside I was freaking out, I was a mess, “what the heck, I have absolutely no idea about Mexico or a lunch team…what’s a lunch team? And as for being a leader….I am NOT A LEADER!!” . One thing I have always been confident about is the fact that I am not a leader. However no matter how hard I tried to avoid leadership (in situations of youth groups or VBS or camps) I seem to somehow always land in the middle of it. I went home in tears those two evenings; I was overwhelmed and ‘not good enough’. After these events I decided I needed to prioritize and so I quit the bible study so that I could commit fully to Mexico. I also made peace with the fact that I was going to be stretched in Mexico. And stretched I was.

Upon arrival in Mexico I was handed a set of keys to drive the lunch team around if need be. “Drive in Mexico?...Me????”. Shortly after that I was informed that the lady leading the lunch team was ill and so by default I was the leader. Is anybody listening to me? I AM NOT A LEADER!!! So I shakily stepped up, completely overwhelmed. I tried to pray with the kids in my team as we faced making 1000 PBJ sandwiches (a day) together; I started crying. So I stopped my prayer mid sentence, hoping no one would notice and someone would pick up the prayer from me. Tammy (another adult leader and friend) wrapped her arm around me. Support. And away we went.

I was stretched like a piece of gum to the point where it is so thin it flops. Only I didn’t flop. Instead I learnt a great thing about my Lord. When God places you somewhere he doesn’t leave you there, He is there too. And there He was, supporting me, holding me up so I wouldn’t flop. He surrounded me with people encouraging, supporting and loving on me. I couldn’t have done it without them, without Him. I was weak in every way possible (except physical). I was weak in knowledge, never having gone to Mexico or been on the lunch team. I was clueless to how it worked and what was expected, I could have failed miserably. On top of that I was weak in the area of leadership, especially a group of teenagers (from America). I lacked confidence in myself in general.

I had 2 Corinthians 12:9 on my mind, and so I decided that each morning I HAD to start the day with God in order to get through without flopping. Each morning, somehow, I woke up (without an alarm) with plenty of time to spend with the Lord before Josh woke up, or rather before the “wake up music” was played.

God’s grace was abundant and sufficient. I was carried through each day with peace and patience. God showed up, especially in the people surrounding me. I experienced 2 Corinthians 12:9 for real in Mexico. Now the challenge is to experience and believe it in my “real” life. It’s a challenge, a process. I believe 2 Corinthians 12:9, I believe Gods power is perfected in my weakness, that his grace is sufficient, it’s ‘good enough’. I want to be changed by it, forever. Who I am, solid in who He is.

We made 1000 sandwiches a day, and then some. the sandwiches were given out by our VBS teams to the Children at their sites. On the last day I took my team (Yip I drove in Mexico, I followed someone there, but I drove) to one of the sites to hand out the sandwiches themselves. After spending three days straight doing nothing but making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I thought it would be awesome for my team to see the children they had made the lunches for. That day my heart broke. Even though I knew what we were doing was good, I couldn't help thinking that it wasn't enough.

We came home from Mexico changed, broken hearted, aware, full of fish taco's and much more stretchy. I pray these things I learnt, I saw, I felt, will be etched into my heart. That this experience has changed me forever and won't just get hidden under a pile of other experiences, but that the need out there will continue tugging at my heart until I am tugged into the place I am meant to be.

Just

2008-03-06T15:37:00.000-08:00

Just waiting for the clock to tick.
Just watching the clock.
Just 21 minutes left.
Just sitting.
Just waiting.
Just.

Just waiting for the phone to ring.
Just answering the phone.
Just taking messages.
Just sitting.
Just waiting.
Just

Just want new clothes.
Just want bigger and better.
Just want.
Just sitting.
Just waiting.
Just.

Just want food to eat.
Just need clothes to wear.
Just want to be loved.
Just sitting.
Just waiting.
Just?

Just need a home.
Just need a mom.
Just need a dad.
Just sitting.
Just waiting.
Just?

Just complaining.
Just whining.
Just taking things for granted.
Just sitting.
Just waiting.
Just.

Just need to make a difference.
Just need to change.
Just need to Love.
Just walking.
Just doing.
Just.

Just trusting.
Just believing.
Just giving.
Just faithful.
Just.
Is He.

Salt and Pipper: less is more

2008-03-05T15:27:00.000-08:00

It was suggested that I created a blog in order to reduce my large e-mails into more bite sized pieces. And so here I am entering into the blog world.