Monday, September 21, 2009

the kings and i.

love these lovely ladies.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

the 19th of september 2009, my 27th year on planet earth

so it is 4:30am (did i say am??...well i meant AM!!) on my 27th Birthday and yip, i am wide awake! the rest of my household (being josh and guests at present) are sound asleep! so far i have had THE most amazing birthday and it has not even been my birthday yet until now....and now i am up all alone at some strange hour of the day...but its more like night, 4am could never be day??? anyways it brings me some comfort and warm fuzzy thoughts knowing that i have dear friends on other sides of the world who are also up and about right now enjoying the 19th of september 2009, only they are enjoying it at a more decent hour, an hour that is actually day, with sunshine and birds and other such happy things. not to say i am unhappy, quite the contrary, i am so happy i am keeping myself awake which is kinda making me grumpy. so to sum up i am just a happy grumpy 27 year old i guess.....
so back to my amazing birthday (so far) has been one happy surprise after another. the celebrating seemed to start last saturday, my mother in law had us over for my birthday dinner of deliciousness (italian bbqed chicken, with yam fries, and some veggies that were delicious but i cannot remember what they were, the other things over shadowed them i guess....poor veggies.... followed by cheesecake). we shared the meal with josh's grandparents who are on their annual visit from arizona. we played a new, somewhat competitive game ( very much like the board game "sorry" i used to play alot when i was a kid). i learnt alot about the ebersoles competitive spirit and the ebersole men's "mean" was a VERY close game but the men did win....however we had a rematch a couple of nights later and the ladies triumphed, in case you were wondering. so that was the beginning.... this is new news, and i am very excited about it.....but i will have to bore you with some details before i get to the point of it all so bear with me.....
so josh and i, since we started talking about getting married, have always wanted to try and be a single income family. my hearts desire is to one day be a mom, and to be a stay at home mom. its just been something that is very important to my heart and to josh's and so that has been our plan. most of the world probably thinks we are nuts, especially with a teachers salary, but that's ok, they can think that, i kinda like being nuts (in a good healthy, unique kind of way). so we hoped to kick the "plan" into gear once josh had a full time teaching job, which this time last year we weren't sure if or when it would happen with the economy etc...actually even a couple of months ago we had no idea if or when it would happen. so the "plan" was once he was full time i would quit working and be home ( seemed to make sense to be able to live off one salary with just the two of us before we added little peeps to the mix of all the good things in life),
and the idea was for me to work on my art. when josh first got his job in turlock, as i wrote before, it was only a 40% position. so we thanked God for a job at all, and his dream job none the less, and accepted the fact that i would be working for a little bit longer. in two weeks josh's job had been bumped up to 100%!!! but we decided i would still work at least for the winter as winter is the fire place stores busiest season and i would have felt terrible leaving right before that, plus the extra money would help us get to south africa, hopefully next summer. so away we went into the new school year of 09/2010 ( still doesn't make sense to me to have the school year different to the actual year, so confusing....also how do you write 2010? just 10? or 010? or the whole thing 2010??....hmmm so did i mention it is 4:55 am in the MORNING!!!...yip...still awake....and as you are realizing, my mind is very much alive and on full speed ahead! lucky you, you can stop reading at any moment, i have to live with it alllll time) where was i...oh yes, both of us working like busy bees in the year 09/2010, or 10? or 010?...whatever, its irrelevant write now cos it is still in 2009.....however so as you have all probably heard, the economy is slow right now....i think the words "its the economy" is the new buzz word of these last couple of years, like "the world wide web" was for a few (lots of) years ago....again not thankfully in "this economy" up until this point the construction and fire place company i work for has been with business. until a couple of weeks ago the construction side slowed down alot. so i felt i needed to let them know of "the plan" and then we could decide from there what was the best thing to do and figure out the best for all of us. i didn't feel right not sharing where i was at, and what my intentions where (to quit after winter), i figured maybe not having to pay me would help in some way, and besides i really only answer the phones, i am not the biggest asset to the company!!! just a lil helper bee. a very happy helper bee might i add, i have loved working where i work for the last two years, i feel like i have become a part of the family (its a family run business, or businesses....its two companies, owned by brothers that share the same office space, and i answer both of their phones....let me tell you it is always a mouthful when i have to explain something about my work....its fun, it kinda adds to my answer to "so where are you from?"...and by the end of it all the person i am talking to is wishing they had spoken to someone who looked more like a modesto native then i do, kinda like the way you are feeling about starting to read this early morning novel about nothing and everything all at the same time..... and i am just thirsty, like i am now, i have cotton mouth...bleg!....!).
so yes where was i?...i feel a part of the family, and working there has been such a huge part of making me feel at home here in modesto. so i will be eternally thankful for that. i have made some lasting friendships that i know will be a part of my life and my kids lives one day, and they mean the world to me!!! (my kids will too one day, but right now i was referring to my friends from work, who are also my bosses....just to correct my grammatical error with a longer more incorrect grammatical sentance....i am sure if my english teacher was reading this she would be as mad as she used to be if the word "chick" was used in reference to a lady (? woman? I can't remember what she wanted to be called but it wasn't anything that could be belittling to the female person)). So back to the point of all of this....there really is one i i made known to my bosses the "plan" and then they figured out a plan. and so as of this week i am down to part time hours, i work mondays and thursdays. and i LOVE it! i am so stinkin excited about it. i think all day tuesday i walked around (my own house and the grocery store....and other places i went to on tuesday) with a gigantic goofy grin plastered on my face. and i kept saying to myself "oh how i love the morning light in my house", or "oh how i love winco (the grocery store that is usually a very unpleasant, not for any reason, experience) at this time of the day", or "how beautiful the day is today", and i would do a little jig and grin to myself. i was just so full of joy, goofy joy, and excitement. i still am, i think its part of the reason i am still is now 5:21 am......
so a little bit more background to all this......(seriously this is all going through my head right now, and if i don't write it out somewhere i think i will go crazy, or just plain grumpy from no sleep, and i don't want to be grumpy on my 27th birthday) a year ago if you mentioned art to me, i would have would i have responded????.....i don't know how i would have responded exactly, my face would have probably contorted into something resembling a confused face, a face of someone battling something, battling a love/hate relationship. i both loved art and was terrified of it. it has been a very painful process for me to create art for as long as i can remember, well actually since i started studying it at university (weird i know, but true). so any art i created really was a labor of love. and as much as i hated that i struggled so much with the process and with myself, i could also some how be thankful for it because of the growth that came from it, and as unbelievable as it is, the joy i did eventually experience when i started creating. so a year ago, even though i had this "plan" i was no were near being ready to pursue it, i didn't feel good enough, passionate enough, anything enough, i didn't feel. it mostly made me sick to my stomach and like such a failure. and i say failure only because i had this dream and have had this dream forever, and yet had nothing to drive me towards it, no desire, no passion, no umph....i was quite content to just sit and dream and answer phones. and it broke my heart and i felt like a failure, especially when i watched other people just strive for, and love what they were doing. i wanted that so much. i have never been really ambitious or competitive, so the idea of making loads of money or pursuing fame didn't grab me at all, infact it pushed me further back into my shell of double glazed protection (i need double glazing cos i get cold really easily). so i was far away, i did art every now and then, mostly as gifts for people, infact for the last 4 years most, if not all my art has been gifts for people, little personalised pieces. they where what inspired me in my art and drove me to do it, and i am thankful for that. but mostly i just beat myself up about it. i can't really tell you what changed exactly, or when it changed, i think this summer sometime. summer is SLOW at the office, so i made a little art carry thing and brought some art stuff into work and worked on some, mainly gifts, and commissioned pieces. then one day i didn't have any more art that i HAD to do for anyone, so i just played, no agenda, no plan.....i just had fun.....actually.... i just remembered what kinda triggered my "playtime", it was when were up in Canada over the summer, and walking around downtown vancouver, i stumbled upon an artist, and her studio, and fell in love with her work, i walked out so inspired and maybe that was when it changed. since then i have felt more and more ready to just be home and do some art, i still don't want to pursue being famous or getting my name "big", i just want to create and do it.....and let it be as it will be, fall where it may fall. i have a couple of ideas of how to sell it, only one of which involves approaching a gallery here in modesto (that's mainly because there are not many art galleries here in modesto that i think would be interested in my art....). so this part time gig came at THE most perfect time in my life. this week on my days off i created 5 pieces of art and i think i have opened a can of worms, a can of gummy worms (so a good thing), maybe a can of sour gummy worms, the sour part being the lack of sleep due to the ideas that are pouring through my head. i have never experienced this before, i mean i have experienced sleepless nights due to my mind being on overdrive, but never because of art related things, unless it was being in angst over it. literally every time i close my eyes i see a new art idea in my head.....its crazy....i have started writing them down so i can remember them all. so that has been one of the best birthday presents this week, time at home to create art. AND we still get a little bit of pocket money to go towards our south africa trip, it will take a bit more discipline and saving up, but that's ok....i am ok with that.
back to my birthday. on thursday my wonderful work bought me a delicious apple pie and we all had break time together with grandpa and grandma king. that night i was serenaded by my small group with a great rendition of "happy birthday" with a candle to boot! then friday i was invited to lunch at my friend/bosses house (i feel weird calling her my boss cos she is more my really good friend, as is her oldest daughter, its really fun!). they surprised me with a couple of other friends joining us and we had a lovely time hanging out and eating more delicious food off purple violet plates. then when i finally returned home (after an expensive trip to the art store), josh surprised me (and i was really surprised cos i didn't think he had planned anything, i didn't even know he had remembered that it was my birthday, i kept reminding him that he had better buy me a birthday present....inside joke....). so he surprised me first when i came from the bathroom after my bath, and he was all dressed up. a good indication to me that i should probably put something nicer on then my ripped denium shorts for dinner, and a good indication of where we were going to dinner. Gelatos, one of the two (that i know of) fancier restuarants in modesto. we had a lovely dinner together, feeling all posh and pretty. then we left and headed....home....i smiled and said to josh "you know what i thought? i thought you were going to surprise me and take me to tap dogs" (an awesome australian tap group that was in town, i had seen them twice back in south africa). he smiled and said "oh sorry"....and home we went to our poor puppy who had been outside most of the day and was dying for our attention once more. when we got into the house josh plonked down on the couch and i moved towards the bedroom to change into those ripped denim shorts, but then thought it was strange that josh was not rushing towards the bedroom for more comfy attire, so i sat down next to him. and there on the coffee table was a card he had made, with a finger and a dog drawn onto the front. i picked it up suspiciously, and read it.....and then looked at him blankly but smiled a thank you at his sweet note.....then he pointed back to his drawings on the front (as I had clearly missed the point).....and i said; "yeah that is your finger representing you, and that is moose, so it is from both of you, thank you". and he pointed out some other pencil lines near the finger and said "what is the finger doing?" and i replied "um....its pointed like this" (and i made the weird gnarly curled gesture that the finger was making) ...."yes, but what is it do it alot"........a moment of blank would think with a mind that whirs at this capacity at 4am i would get there quicker.....nope, it just whirs at this capacity to keep me up at night, morning, or whatever it is right now.........whirrrrr......."Oh!!" (light bulb)..."its tapping"......yay i figured out what that finger was doing but still not the point.......another blank moment.......whirrrr....finger tapping and a dog....."TAP DOGS!!!!". and so my second surprise was a date to see the tap dog show......we had finished dinner too early to go straight to the theatre (we both didn't eat very much and where stuffed so couldn't fit dessert in, such lightweights!) so we came home, which actually ended up being a perfect diversion as i was hoping he would take me, but this way i didn't think he was because we headed home and i thought we would watch a movie or something. so we put poor pup outside again and headed back down town.......loved it!!! this may sound silly, but it was so meaningful to me to be able to share something that i had enjoyed in south africa, with josh, its a gap filler, until i can share south africa with him in its fullest, its these little experiences that are possible to share with him here, and it means the world to me.......
so as of 6:10 am on the 19th of September 2009, my 27th birthday, i have already had a blast.....i am just super sleepy...........maybe i will sleep now?
well the positive to all of this is that even if i don't get any sleep tonight, today? i am pretty sure this blog has put some of you to someone is getting some sleep, or rather someone else is getting some sleep, as josh and moose are already someone(s) getting sleep in this house.