I had a rough end to my weekend, and decided to have a mini break down yesterday. Lately Moose has been breaking out of the barricade of baby gates we create for him, and has been good at roaming the house free and not creating destruction and havoc. So we have been leaving him to roam. As we did yesterday when we went to our Church's BBQ, only yesterday Moose decided was the day he would create some havoc, and decided our couch was THE best chew toy in the house (see photo above). So we arrived home to a cloud of couch stuffing (yes I am being overly dramatic because that is how I am feeling right now) and one of our couch cushions a little worse for wear. Not pretty. Our friend Jess had ridden with us to the BBQ and was witness to the fiasco. I waited until she left and then just broke down. Just like that. I was a puddle of tears. You would have thought I had just heard the worst news in the whole world! But I hadn't, my couch just has holes in it. Now I would not consider myself a particularly materialistic person at all, and so I was more puzzled and perplexed as to why this upset me more then anyone.
Eventually, after a nice bath and a delicious cup of tea I calmed myself down and snuggled up with Josh on the couch, holes and all, to watch our favorite show, "friends". Best way to cheer me up.
Here is my theory....I have been told by a couple of counselors I have seen in the past that I am someone who tends to bottle things up. Push things way down and store them, and then one day I just erupt.
When I was growing up, my best friends family and my family had a bible study together, and one night we had to make drawings describing each other. She drew a volcano for me......I didn't understand back then, but I am beginning to more and more. Perhaps she should have been a counselor......
Over the years I have seen a bit of a trend and pattern with this theory. The most frustrating and embarrassing thing about this is that it seems to be the silliest things that cause my eruption, like Moose chewing up our couch. It leaves me feeling so confused and, well plain old silly. If it was something more heart wrenching, or hard, I would feel like it was worth the tears and grief, and I would feel like I was really processing through something. But a couch! Seriously the way I reacted you would think it was the end of the world as we know it. And inside is this strange war going on between the very reasonable, even keel Pips, "its just a couch!" and the drama queen Pips, "MY COUCH.....baaaaaaaa". Sometimes I try just let myself weep, I try to tell myself that it is OK, its good to have a good ol cry every now and then, and I so very rarely am able to even shed one tear, that I should take advantage of the opportunity. But since it is always over something really dumb its hard to really give myself that liberty. I mean I would rather bawl my eyes out over a sad movie, but that is hard to do too cos I have Josh staring at me and asking every 2 seconds "are you crying?".
So here I am Monday morning, exhausted and dramatic, with a holey couch, and wondering what my puppy is up to as I sit here at work. Otherwise life is awesome. I have an AMAZING husband, the best! A great lil house. I have an incredible family and wonderful friends. And I have an adorable puppy, whom I love to bits, even though he does like to chew up my things, I am thankful he is OK. I mean it could have been worse, he could have been missing, or he could have choked on a piece of couch fluff!
Just thought I would share this with you to give you a bit of a giggle this Monday morning. I think it is hilarious, and ridiculous. I would rather be laughing at it then crying. I am done crying for a while. Had my dose.
Time for this volcano to be dormant for a while.