Tomorrow Josh and I are shooting a wedding. So I dug out an old prayer journal. Almost a year ago I started this previous prayer journal, the day before we shot a wedding. A year ago since we last shot a wedding. A year ago since my tummy was so twisted in knots of anxiety and butterflies. So this year, before this wedding, I anticipate feeling the same knots, but I don't yet, I just have a bad attitude about it (just don't wanna), and I have been feeling heavy since last night, but no anxiety yet. That all might change when we go to the rehearsal tonight to check out the venue.
I thought that in preparation for this wedding I would look up some verses from previous "day before the Shoot" journaling, that I clung to for courage, encouragement and any kind of peace (and calming of nerves) I could get. I figure anxiety or not at this point, I need God to do this no matter what! Without Him I am nothing, with Him I have everything I need. My 'time, talent and treasures' are all His.
So whether I want to do this (wedding shoot) or not, it is an opportunity provided by God, for which I am thankful for, for so many reasons. One reason is that it causes me to reflect on my life and question where my passions and desires lie. For years now I have wondered and wished I had a passion and a desire that would drive me, and for many more years then that I have battled with insecurities and self consciousness. I think I am finally beginning to slowly dig up and discover a passion, and contrary to what some might think it is not pursuing photography professionally at this point. I think there has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders in just admitting that to myself, and being OK with it. Maybe this is the reason I don't feel that anxious yet?
Another reason is that I am thankful for the little bit of extra income it brings in, especially at this time. The third and final reason is that doing these weddings always makes me lean on God more, cling to Him, seek Him out and rely on Him. I WISH I could say this for everyday of my life, and to an extent I can, in that I know and realize I cannot even do my everyday existence without him. But it is different in that when doing a wedding, I physically, spiritually and emotionally cannot go forward without Him. The comfort of my everyday life allows me to move forward by holding onto things other then God, that surround and cushion my existence, like a cup of tea, or friends (both the show and the people in my life), or my husband, or dark chocolate, or a run, or shopping, or.......So I am thankful for the reminder.
These are some of the verses I wrote down a year ago and clung to a year ago. And they speak to me just as strongly and as relevantly as they did last year. How awesome is our God and His word, as relevant today as it was a year ago, and thousands of years ago.
"But he said to me, ' My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness '. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ."
"It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord you are safe."
I LOVE the images of Gods Power resting on me and his Peace guarding me! The seeming contradictions make so much sense.
So here I go, letting the ultimate creator guide me in my creativity......